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Okay, I don't know where to start. Me and my girlfriend have been together six years. I was let go by the military about six months ago.
So for the last six months I haven't had work and have had more problems in the last six months than we have in our entire relationship--to the point it has gotten physical.
Now, my father was abusive towards my mom, my siblings and me. I swore growing up that I would never put my hand on a woman. Thankfully for everyone involved, she was not hurt.
But I am afraid. She told me she doesn't feel safe when I become angry.
I don't want my family to go through the crap I went through as a child. All I want is to get better.
What do you suggest? All her friends are telling her to leave me, and I understand that. But I know I can change for the better.
Please just give me some ideas. I'm not one of those dudes who blames the woman for his anger problems, and I'm not trying to use my childhood as an excuse.
Honestly, I need to maybe get some pointers. I don't care if you publish this or not. Just please give me some type of reply.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you really want to get some help, and I will do my best to help you.
It is great that you don't blame your girlfriend for your anger problems. That's almost half of the battle. You're willing to take responsibility for changing your behavior, and that puts you in a good position.
Let's get to the cause, and work from there. You learned some bad patterns as a child, even though you didn't want to. Do the journaling exercises on this page, and that will help you to review the abuse you experienced in your past. Be sure and write in total detail, everything that happened.
Then, use these imagery processes for emotional healing to rescue the abused child (you in the past) from those memories.
Then go back to the journaling exercises and do the other two exercises that come after "Trauma Writing." These steps will help you to heal. You have to do this for yourself--not to get your girlfriend to stay. It will not work unless you do it for yourself.
Believe in yourself, and the goodness inside you that made you ask for help here. You can do this.
My very best to you,
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