My Abusive 56 Year Old Brother

by Jenny
(Australia)

I am the 58 year old sister of this abusive brother. We grew up with a narcissistic father in a violent home and had a mother who was always trying to 'keep the peace.'

However the years had taken their toll on her, and she became free when my father later ended his own life. I was 22 at the time and my brother was 20.

My brother had already displayed narcissistic traits from a young age and he became even more abusive verbally and physically as he got older. I became more and more frightened of him as did our mother and his many girlfriends to come.

We were always walking on egg shells around him as we had with my own father. I had gone no contact so many times over the past 35 years only to realize that I should have left his life completely when I was 22. It sure would of saved me from untold grief heartache and despair.

My mother and I hadn't seen him or talked to him in over 3 years when I became her caretaker, as she was dying from cancer. She wanted to see him, and I struggled with this as I wasn't ready. But it was Mum’s wish and so I contacted him and yes, here we go again.

It's been nearly 7 years since Mum passed, and in that time my brother has caused so much havoc it's too much to mention. He has exhausted everyone in and around his life, and is now all alone. I have stopped all contact with him.

At the time I was the only person left in his life and he was destroying me, when self-preservation finally kicked in and I was done. I haven't seen or heard from him for months now and it's a massive relief to not even hear his loud filthy mouth.

In the meantime I have armed myself with domestic abuse and boundaries courses and am in therapy as I need to end this insanity for good. The morale of my story is, don't leave it till you’re my age to end the cycle of abuse. Abusers never change, and rarely if ever get help.

Go out and empower yourself. Work on yourself and love yourself. You and I deserve so much better. God Bless