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My 45 Year Old Daughter Is Depressed And Angry

by Anonymous

My adult daughter is an excellent RN, and has been highly regarding by her co-workers and the physicians she has worked with. She is now 45 years old. She chose to leave her last position due to conditions within the hospital.

While she gave a 6 week notice, she did not seek other employment. When she had her last day, I thought for sure she would start the job search. This did not happen. She waited several weeks before actually seeking a position. The facility she wanted gave her an interview by subsequently did not hire her.

She went into a depression, and stopped applying for jobs. If I say anything to her, she becomes angry with me, starts yelling and crying and will hang up on me. So what I'm dealing with is not only depression but also a temper that is scary, as she will not calm down for days. The rest of the family has come to know about her mood swings, and she has ruined several holidays over the last several years because of something that upset her.

I know she needs professional help, but she refuses to listen to any of the family. She lives in her own home, but I have been helping her with her bills. Her siblings live in other states. Please help with any suggestions.

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May 08, 2016
Reply to - My 45 Year Old Daughter Is Depressed And Angry
by: Anonymous

You are not alone! I have a 46 year old sister, who still lives with my mum. My sister’s situation is very similar to your daughters, in that she works as an RN too and was made redundant some months ago.

She has however been fortunate to find work but for some reason or another has not grabbed the opportunities and has resulted in massive anger bursts and the person that holds the brunt of it most is my mum.

My mum constantly says she understands the frustrations my sister feels and does have many moments she sits and talks to her to allow her to express the feelings she has. But it does at times take its toll to the point now that my mum feels as though she is living in my sister’s house AND my mum is constantly emotional with me and my younger sister.

Having read your story, it’s clear that living on her own or living with mum would not result in any better situation! You are doing the best you can do as a mum. I am really happy to hear you are there for your daughter, the way you are.

My mum’s love for us girls is endless and unconditional, and I suspect having read your story you are much the same. You are a real blessing in your daughter’s life.

May 09, 2015

by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello - Thanks for telling your story here. Your daughter is obviously having a lot of trouble, and I know it is hard for you and the rest of your family. The only way she's going to get any professional help is if she chooses it, unless she gets in trouble with the authorities, which hopefully will not happen.

So, what you're left with is your relationship with her. I encourage you to trust and believe in your daughter, no matter how she behaves. Do not, however, allow her to be abusive to you. Find the distance from which you can love and trust her, and keep that distance. Learn more about personal boundaries here.

Believe the best of your daughter, and focus on your own well being and happiness. Trust her to sort things out, in her own way. Your worrying about her and trying to "fix" her will only make things worse.

You can do this.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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