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My 30 Year Old Son Lashes Out In Anger

by Terri

My son was living on his own since he was 18. Had a girlfriend for a few years with an engagement but it did not work out. I know they yelled a lot when they came for a visit. That always made me feel uncomfortable and sad for their relationship.

I gave him advice and to seek help for himself and his fiancee. They never did get any help.

He injured his knee in football last December, and came back to my home in April to live while he got surgery and recovered. He started work with a contractor and has been busy enough. I asked him to pay his bills and he decided he was going to give me most of his pay as I have given him money to buy his car and fix it when needed.

He has never kept up with his promises and I asked him if he was going to and that's when it started to get messy. He would yell and scream and call me names and stomp out. I know this is wrong and I have told him that he needs to get help with his anger. He needs to move out but in the mean time I am having a hard time dealing with him and would love some help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Terri, and thanks for telling your story here. Your scenario is not uncommon, for parents whose son or daughter is living at home as a young adult. For that reason, I've created this FAQ page for good folks like you trying to deal with this challenging situation.

In addition to the suggestions on that page, I strongly encourage you to stop helping him financially in any way. His anger may continue until he's on his own and out of your house. His desire for independence is part of his anger, but that does not excuse his bad behavior toward you.

You need to put yourself first, Terri. And I suggest you get him to move out of your house as soon as possible, for both your sakes, and for the sake of the relationship.

Focus on your own life and your own happiness. That is the most important thing.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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Dec 16, 2012
angry 30 your old son
by: Mary

My son was the perfect child till he turned 18. He moved out with his girlfriend, had a child, 2 years later got married. The marriage lasted less than 1 year. The marriage lit like gas and flame. He came back home and we talked for hours about it and he would cry and say thank you mom and dad. He was humbled and broken. A short time later, he trashed his room, his dad's garage and complained that his T shirts were wrinkled. I tried hard not to give into his demands. He twisted everything I said and blamed me and his dad for everything. We asked him to leave and now he's telling everyone we told him to get his stuff and get out. It wasn't like that. Now he said he doesn't want anything to do with us and we can't see our grandson. I don't get it, we were there when he was at his lowest and he says his friends were there for him. This really hurts. PS: he's also mistreating his new girlfriend. That hurts too. What next?

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