Loss Of A Friend And A Move And Anger Problems
I'm sure to some of you a simple break up or friend loss is a normal occurrence, a way of life and an easy thing to get over, because you don't really think too much of it or over think the situation, you just deal with it. For me on the other hand, it has been the root of all my anger issues.
Mainly because I don't understand why I had to go through the loss in the first place, or why there was a need for the pain the person caused me. I have also seen how true it is that we hurt the people we love. As I understand it, it's because we are most comfortable with those people.
What I mean by that is we know they won't go anywhere, but I have news, EVERYONE has their limits. Me having anger issues is just like pushing the boundaries because I get some sense of power from the people I love apologizing to. It's a need that is reoccurring. But afterwords, I feel like a horrible person and the blaming starts back up.
But to my original point. My issues began when I moved from a big city to a small town. It's easy growing up with people but when you get taken out of a familiar environment and into an alien one, some don't adjust as well as others. I went to a new school and made a few friends. I found them very strange because they were so old fashioned.
Anyway, so after the first year I found that people don't like me and find me strange. I always spoke my mind (not in an offensive way at all) and liked making a good point at the end of any conversation. This seems really normal to me. Needless to say, all the friends disappeared and I was left to wonder throughout my school years what was wrong with me.
That is where I started getting mad. As far as I was concerned, I was normal and the rest of the people were alien. Ever since then, history has repeated itself. In college the same thing happened. I had lots of friends then they disappeared, so every time I got angrier and angrier.
I'm up to the point where someone makes a joke about me or something I do and I explode because as far as I am concerned, what they made fun of is a lie or they completely missed the point. It has affected my ability to make friends and I alienate myself.
I recently started a new job and all was well, until people started to get to know me, then it's like all my self esteem was gone. Then I also get angry because I can't truly show people who I am because of fear of rejection, then I get even worse! I then go on to hurt and blame the people I love because the ones who are hurting me (or I think are hurting me) I can't get to! I don't have revenge thoughts, I just wish people would stop.
Ok all the sad blah blah in my story, but I also believe there are other routes. My family have been known to have short fuses. Now do I blame it on the move or the gene pool? Or do I have a lot to work on?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I have some things that I think will help you. It's not the genes, by the way, but it probably is family influence, from what you wrote.
I suggest you read and follow the guidelines on this FAQ page, and be sure to do each recommended exercise.
The move is an influence, but it's small in comparison to family influence. The loss of a friend can be very big, however, and I suggest you read about the stages of grief to help you with that healing process.
Focus on the person you choose to be, and build on that as you do these exercises.
Believe in yourself and the very best of you.
My best to you,
P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would provide a written testimonial about the site, Dr. DeFoore's help, or one of our products.