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It Can't Be Too Late For Us

by Chris

My girlfriend and I of three years are in a bad place. When we first met, we were both in bad spots. Emotionally, professionally, and financially.

We essentially saved each others’ lives. Our love for each other is amazing. I've never loved someone so much, and vice versa. We truly are best friends.

In the beginning however, I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and I was both physically and mentally abusive. I pushed her away, and then she cheated on me. The cheating led to more abuse and eventually my seeking counseling.

I've done a complete 180 and am completely in love. I'm never on edge anymore (until recent help, I suffered from extreme anxiety). Like I said, we truly are best friends, and we tell each other everything.

The problem is that she has reached a point where she loves me, but she's not in love with me anymore. Because of past abuse, she doesn't fully trust me and pulls away any time we start to be intimate.

She comes from a family of failed relationships, and I know she's scared. We truly are an amazing pair if we can get past the past. The love is there, but she doesn't believe it.

Is there anything we can do? We both have things to work on, but I didn't think giving up is the answer.

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Feb 05, 2015
Respect Her Process
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Chris

I'm so glad for you that you feel you have made a complete turnaround.

Your question, "Is there anything we can do?" points to a problem. You are already doing part of what you need to do, by getting help for yourself and getting better.

What you need to do now is to give your girlfriend the time and space she needs to make her decision. Any effort you make to "get her" to do anything will only push her away.

It is very difficult for people to fully recover and trust after being abused. You need to have empathy for your girlfriend and trust her to make the decision that is best for her. That's the most loving thing you can do.

I know this is hard, but please think about what I'm saying.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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