Is This Abuse Or Not?

by Anonymous

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and five months.. He saved me from abuse in the home. I moved in with him two months ago.

I am completely dependent on him and I think he may be taking this for granted. He has always had a mild temper, however it’s gotten worse since I moved in with him. His anger goes from 1-1000 in a matter of seconds and I’m not sure how to deal with it.


His anger ruins plans and is seriously depressing me. He has never really hit me or beat me but he's thrown things, he’s punched holes in doors, cussed at me, screamed at me inches away from my face, shook me to the floor. And he apologizes for it, but his apologies are more like "If you stop doing that, then this won’t happen any more."

He doesn’t keep any of his promises, threatens to take me back to the place he rescued me from, and holds my unemployment over my head saying I shouldn’t backtalk or have anything to say because he does everything for me.

His temper tantrums happen about three or four times a month and he blames me for all of them. They are always about little stuff. Cleaning, or a joke he didn’t think was funny, or disagreeing on a topic, or him thinking I’m upset when I’m honestly not at all.

Somebody please help. I don’t really have anywhere to go so leaving isn’t too much of an option.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It is clear that you are being abused, even though it has not really gotten physical yet. It sounds like that could be coming, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Even though you say you have nowhere to go, you can definitely not just leave things the way they are. You are being hurt and abused on an ongoing basis, and there is no excuse for it, regardless for what he says.

There are people who are experienced in helping women like you, and I suggest you reach out for that type of help. There are family shelters and battered women shelters in almost every town. Just check the Internet or phone book for your area and you will probably be able to find the help you need. You can also learn more about the battered woman syndrome here.

Believe in yourself and the goodness in your heart. You are worthy of respect and kindness in all of your relationships, no matter what your past may have been.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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