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Incidents Of Abuse Are Few And Far Between

by Anonymous

The abuse started when I was a teenager. I've been with my husband since I was 17 and I am now 40. I identified early that I would not accept the abuse and he had a problem.

He did counseling and we didn't have any problems until a huge blow up about his infidelity. I cornered him with the truth and he put his hands around my neck and choked me. I was definitely afraid for my life.

I put him out and he stayed gone for about 2 weeks, but then we got back together. Fast forward to this weekend almost 7 years later we had a stupid argument and he reached for my neck but immediately ran out once he touched me.

I was not hurt but I was disappointed that he could even go back to that point. I'm not afraid of him. I'm more afraid that if he ever puts me in that position again I could really hurt him.

He's not the bread winner. I'm not isolated. Right now I've asked him to move out after 16 years of marriage but I don't know if I want it to be over. I know he has insecurities and self-esteem issues because he's not the bread winner, but I can't help him with those issues.

I'm confused on if I'm in an actual abusive relationship. I've definitely been physically abused by him in the past but I don't know if I give up or keep fighting for my marriage. There's no real arguing or issues in between these sporadic incidents.

He's willing to enroll back in counseling but I feel like until he lives a substantial amount of time on his own and figures out life for himself that he will always resent me for my success.

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Sep 14, 2015
Trust Your Self And Your Own Perceptions
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It seems very clear that your marriage has some positive points, but I totally understand your concern regarding your husband's anger, violence and threats of violence.

The particular form of aggression he chooses toward you just happens to be life threatening...which of course adds to the concern.

You've invested a lot of time and energy in this relationship, so I can see why you're in a dilemma, despite the problems.

Since he's willing to pursue counseling, you may want to give that a chance, perhaps during a separation. He needs to know for absolute certain that if he ever becomes physically aggressive with you again, the marriage is over.

I hope this helps. Believe in yourself and your inherent good judgment.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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