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I'm Tired Of My Boyfriend's Angry Outburts And Verbal Abuses
I'm 23 years old and the story I'm going to tell is very shocking. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 4 years. In the beginning it was going alright. But I came to know that he had a neglected childhood and got bullied a lot in school.
He had anger issues and sometimes he said insulting things to people as jokes and I was embarrassed most of the time because these people all happened to be my friends. When I told him not to say such things he used to flare up and most of the time I used to keep quiet to avoid fights. He was arrogant and very disrespectful sometimes.
But things got worse when I found out that I was pregnant in spite of using precaution. We had an abortion but later he blamed me and said that it was my fault and went to the extent of saying that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him into marriage. This hurt me so much and I was spiraling into a depression. I was suicidal and I had no one to talk to.
He got very abusive one day and called me a slut and started hitting me and beat me up black and blue and punched my face and even tried to strangle me. He stopped it when I screamed at him to stop acting like an animal. His parents too knew about his behaviour because he was shouting at them and blaming them for how he was now.
He even used to come very late at night where I was staying with my girlfriends and I was embarrassed a lot and started isolating myself in my room. One night I felt I could take it no longer and called up my mom ( I live in a different city for studies and my mom didn't even know I was in a relationship) and told her that my boyfriend was depressed and going through a very bad time and I even told her about the abortion and that I was suicidal except the part that he was hitting me.
I knew she was heartbroken but she tried to calm me down and told me that everything would be alright. When I told my boyfriend that I had talked to my mom about this because I had nobody to share my pain with, he didn't say anything angry or asked me why I mentioned the abortion to her. In fact he looked relieved that my mom wasn't angry with us or something.
But again after a few days he brought it up and said that I was trying to trap him while in fact I was the one who was feeling trapped. After every fight he would break up with me and tell me to get lost and to stop ruining his life and I would say I was sorry. He blamed my friends and said that they disrespect him and laugh at him because he was badly dressed and not happy and that they are judgmental about our relationship.
This went on for a long time. One day when he said he wanted to break up with me I said it was a good decision and hung up the phone. He called later many times but I didn't pick up. We were broken up for a year and I was very angry and cursed him a lot. But slowly I started liking life once more. I was beginning to be happy.
I knew he was going out with a girl but they broke up and some months later he called me up and said that he wanted to meet me and to give him a chance once again and that he was sorry for everything he had done. Said he wanted to make up for what he did wrong and to keep me happy. In the beginning I ignored him and told him that it was not gonna work on me. But he was so changed and he was not angry anymore at anything.
He was loving and said that I was the best girl for him and we started going out again and we fell in deep love. I never could believe that he would be so changed. Everything was alright and but sometimes I could see that he still had some haunting memories of his childhood neglect and I avoided certain subjects around him.
It went on like this for about a year when things started going bad again. This time because my brother and my boyfriend don't like each other. Even though my brother doesn't like him that much he at least behaves civilly but my boyfriend openly shows it and tells me that my brother is a loser. My brother has a problem of drug abuse, lies a lot and is divorced.
Even though I know my brother isn't that great of a guy I feel really bad when he talks like this. He is particularly angry about the fact that my brother complained about him to my mom. Now, my boyfriend is blaming my broken family and my brother and to solve the "problem" I caused which is that my mom doesn't like him now anymore and because I had told her about the abortion and now my brother complained, things are gonnna be awkward. I told him that I cannot fix what happened in the past and that I was tired of his outbursts and we said goodbye to each other.
We fight like this about once a month but when we make up everything is perfect once again. I have a feeling that we are gonna get back together once again. But I don't want to face another fight again. I love him a lot and he loves me too but these fights are killing the relationship. Please help me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Cecile, and thanks for telling your story here. It is apparent that you've got a lot going on. I will try to help.
First, let's focus on your healing. I suggest that you do the jouraling processes on this page to deal with your own past trauma, including the emotional pain of your abortion. Use these imagery processes for emotional healing to further your healing from that, and any other past emotional trauma.
Believe in and care for yourself, Cecile. If you don't, no one else can. Make up your mind to create a good life for yourself, and do not stay in any relationship where you are treated with disrespect.
My very best to you,