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I'm Lost And Angry And I Want To Stop Arguing All Of The Time

by Anonymous 14

I have friends, but I argue with them constantly. I have a family who loves me but I can't begin to describe how stupid and alone they make me feel.

I'm 14 and in secondary school. At school I'm happy when I'm not in an argument, but at home I'm always answering back. It's as though no one understands. I stand and I think that every single person around me is an idiot. They just don't get it.

But I'm not sure if I even get it. I argue because someone has a different opinion to me and I just can't understand why they don't think like me. I do so much sport and there really is nothing more I can do. I need something to occupy my time on the weekends apart from my ballet lesson which is when I escape the world.

I go round friends houses at times but I mostly sit without a thing to do. My life seems to be mucked up. I'm not a stereotypical emo or depressive. I'm just a normal girl and people don't know how hard I find life when I'm out of school and at home. What should I do with myself?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Anonymous 14, and thanks for telling your story here. I like your style. I like that you admit that you're not sure you even "get it" yourself. That's honest, and I respect that.

I also think it's great that you are into sports and ballet. That gives you a lot of opportunity for expressing strong energy and emotion, and it's good for you in every way.

You're too smart to be arguing with everybody all of the time. First, I'm going to suggest some ways for you to deal with your anger, then I'll suggest some ways you can avoid the arguments.

Do all of the exercises described on this FAQ page. Do them all, and that will really help you, especially the journaling.

It doesn't take a lot of intelligence to argue with people. That's easy. So, here's a challenge for you, if you want to use your intelligence more and get along with others better. Look for something, anything good or valid about what another person is saying. If you can't think of anything, then just wait until you do before you speak.

That's what I did with your story here. I looked for all of the good things you said (and there was lot), and pointed that out. This is not necessarily easy, but you can do it. I can tell you're smart.

To help with this, use the positive journaling process to get your mind going in the positive direction. Start every day writing the good things about yourself, your family and your friends.

This isn't a magic cure, but if you do all of the things I recommend, you will feel better, and I think you'll start getting along better with others.

Believe in yourself, Anonymous 14 (cool name).

You can do this.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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