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I'm In A New Marriage And I'm Having Anger Problems

by Omahagirl
(Omaha)

I have been married for about two years. This is my second marriage. My first marriage ended because my ex-husband was dating someone else. Ever since, I have become a crying baby. Even the smallest joke that my husband cracks on me, makes me very uncomfortable and the situation becomes bad.

My current husband calls me an egotistical and proud woman. The situation mostly ends up with either him or me in anger. We always fight.


When I ask our closest friends, they always say my husband is overreacting. They never think I have any kind of ego or pride in me.

Last week my sister and her husband were visiting us. During a game we were playing, my husband started joking that I was cheating, which I was not. I become so angry that I hit him on his shoulder. Everyone, including me, was surprised at how violent I become.

Also I have been shouting a lot lately. I am not at peace with myself. I am two months pregnant right now and want my husband's support, but he never has any time to spend with me.

I don't know what to do. I know I am an extremely emotional person and have become angry on personal things in the past a few times. But it was never so frequent and to this high degree.

Please suggest to me what can I do to have peace with myself and those who are around.

Thanks in anticipation.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds to me like you are a good person, who wants to have more control over her anger. I think you could also benefit from some information about relationships.

I suggest you start by doing the journaling exercises described on this page. There are three exercises, one that helps you review your past, one that helps you contain and understand your anger, and one that helps you to shift your focus to the good in you and the world around you.

I also suggest you use these imagery processes for emotional healing, which will help you address any trauma you may have experienced in the past.

The bottom line to all of this is that you need to take care of yourself. It is always a good idea to improve your self esteem as a part of your anger management program.

Believe in yourself. Take excellent care of your body, mind and soul--when you care for yourself, you're caring for the mother of your child.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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Aug 08, 2010
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New Marriage and Anger
by: C.R.D.

Hi, this is written in comment to your page. I too am in a 2.5 year marriage, I have undergone in vitro and serious hormone shots for ovulation. First off, you are very emotional right now especially because of your hormones at 2 months pregnant. I use to cry at everything at that level of hormones. It is very normal. Perhaps you might want to print out an article for your husband to read about women and pregnancy and their hormones and emotions. By doing this, he is seeing this in writing. It works with my husband. I wish I would not have to have proof in black and white as well and instead have an understanding husband who takes my word and is considerate of my feelings, but I don't, at least not at a new marriage of 2.5 years. So I do what works - black and white proof. It was then that my husband took a compassionate stance. Perhaps men are a bit different and we as women expect them to be emotional like us - GOD I WISH ! But in my marriage journey I have learned that if you expect compassion - you don't get it - at least not this early in the marriage game. I am telling you what worked for me and my husband is coming around and starting to naturally know how to treat me. I can't wait to listen to Dr. DeFoore's "Expectations in Marriage" CD - maybe you should check that out. Also, marriage therapy is doing wonders with us. My highest congratulations to you on your pregnancy ! In vitro did not work for us so I see you as being very lucky!

Another thing we have in common, my last fiance was a wonderful man until I found out he cheated on me several times and expected me to be understanding of the fact he could not be with one woman. I definitely left that situation!

C.R.D.

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