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I'm Driving My Girlfriend Crazy With My Jealousy And Anger
(Boone, NC, USA)
I am 19 years old and am in my second semester of my first year of college. I am also in a committed relationship that started my junior year of high school.
Throughout high school, I was an avid marijuana user and continued into college. I used pot to relieve my stress and help control my anger issues and it honest to God really worked for me.
But since I've come to college, I received a citation for possession and am on probation so smoking has not been an option. In that time, I have resorted back to being a very angry and jealous person.
When my girlfriend goes out with her friends I become extremely paranoid and jealous for no reason. I know she would never be unfaithful, but I have an irrational fear of it and I take it out on her with anger. Besides that, I have become much more explosive than needed.
I have a very wide range between happy me, and angry me. I can be fine and having a great day, then one thing that I don't like will happen and I go from zero to ten very quickly. I raise my voice, hit things, throw things, and become very intimidating.
I am a fairly big guy because I played football in high school and am still avid about working out, so I become very intimidating to my girlfriend when I get so angry. While she knows I would never put my hands on her in a violent way, it is still unacceptable to act this way.
It has gotten to the point where she has given me the ultimatum to work on my anger, or no longer be in a relationship with her. I know I have a problem, but I do not have the money to see a therapist right now. Please help me. I do not want to lose my relationship, and I also don't want my life to be controlled by my anger.