I'm Becoming Just Like My Dad
I was raised by loving parents who gave lots of hugs and kisses and I love you’s. The problem was that deep down, I was never 100% sure if the I love you’s were 100% real or just obligatory.
This was because my dad also yelled a lot, and had extremely high standards. Even though I was being a totally straight edge, I could never seem to meet his standards.
He would sometimes throw things and get really scary when he was mad.
Well, guess what? I've become my dad. I hate it about myself, but I have.
I make sure every night that I tell my kids I love them, no matter what. I apologize if I yelled a lot or was rough with them or "scary mom." But I know it's not enough.
I need to stop my behavior, and I feel helpless to do so. I have ADD and anxiety. I'm so easily overwhelmed and can't filter distractions, and I get so irritable so easily.
I need help! I'm seeing a therapist, but it doesn't seem like enough. What do I do? I love my kids more than anything, why can't I be a better mother for them?