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I'm Asking My Angry Son To Leave

by Shane

My son is 24. We lost a very close family friend to suicide 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, he has not been the same.

He is angry and flies off the handle very quickly. He has a girlfriend that is scared to leave him because he threatens her and her family. He has not physically abused her yet but I’m afraid it’s coming.

My son has lost many close friends due to his outbursts. He refuses to go see someone and seek help. He always places the blame on us or everyone else. His mom and I never argue and have a very healthy marriage.

He works out of town at a job I got for him but still lives at home when he’s off. We are at wits end and I am asking him to leave today. I’m afraid he will refuse and want to fight.

I am much bigger than him but I can’t imagine having a physical altercations with my son. I don’t want to involve the police so he doesn’t lose his job and then become dependent on us again. His mom and grandparents will not leave him to fend for himself I’m afraid.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance

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Feb 11, 2021
You're On The Right Track
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Shane. It sounds like you're making the best decision asking him to leave.

The loss of someone close to you by suicide is a very difficult experience to heal from. In case it's helpful, you may want to read this article on the stages-of-grief.

Basically, your son (based on what I've seen with other young men with similar patterns), will continue these patterns until they don't work any more. Meaning, when no one is available for him to abuse with his anger, he'll hopefully wake up to his problems and get some help.

Pulling family support away from him may seem harsh, but continuing to support him while he holds everyone hostage to his anger will only lead to more and more disastrous outcomes.

All you can do is make the choices that you feel are the best. Others, including your son, will make their own decisions.

I wish you and your family all the best as you go through this difficult time.

Dr. DeFoore

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