I Yell At My Daughter For Everything
I get mad all the time about everything. Mainly when my 3 year old does things she's not supposed to. I yell so loud my room mates get scared, and they're guys. I even yell at my boyfriend.
Last year I got so mad at her I hit her, and even though it wasn't hard, I knew I had to do something. When things don't go my way or something goes wrong I flip. And I'll flip on everyone and everything.
This has been going on for about 5 years or so and I don't know where it came from. My mom was always mad but she would hide it for me. I don't like what I've become and I really want it to stop.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for writing your story here. It is so good that you're asking for help. Your daughter needs and deserves your care, sensitivity and protection, and I think you know that. You want to be a good mother, and that's why you want things to change.
Start by practicing these anger management techniques on a regular, daily basis. Do every one of them, until you start feeling some relief. Keep practicing them until you can do them by heart. This will help you to be kind and respectful to your daughter.
Even though your mother hid her anger from you, you probably felt it and were affected by it. I think there may be some other things in your past that contributed to your current anger as well. Try the journaling exercises on this page, to get in touch with any past trauma you may have been exposed to. Also, write in detail everything you know about your mother's anger. This might help you understand yourself and your own anger better.
Most importantly, control your anger, and do not yell at or hit your daughter any more. You mention being mad at your 3 year old when "she does things she's not supposed to." At 3 years of age, your daughter could not do anything "wrong" if she tried. She's busy developing and learning, and anything she does is part of that process. Punishment or yelling has no place at all in the parenting of a child that young.
You are a good person inside, that's why you don't like what you've become. Focus on that goodness. Expand on your goodness by doing positive writing every day, no matter what.
You can do this. Believe in yourself, and make up your mind to become the person and the mother you choose to be.
My very best to you,
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