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I Say Things I Don't Mean

by Anonymous

I wouldn't classify myself as a happy-go-lucky type of person, but I have never been that angry. Then again, I may have been deluding myself. I guess my question is: Do I have a "real" anger issue, and if so, how can I deal with it?

When I am angry (fights with the significant other, or when I was younger, when my parents used to nag (don't remember the story)), I would punch the wall. Recently I have been so mad that I want to throw/hit things as well.

I've recently been in a relationship that would at times drive me crazy. However, a lot of it might have to do with work. Work has really been stressing me out and makes me go home in a pretty irritable mood. I then start to nitpick or notice little things that I feel like I would have brushed off in the past and make a big deal out of them.

This causes me to get into unnecessary arguments, where of course the counter-party is irritated that I'm picking a fight for no reason with them. Then I would get annoyed with their tone/choice of words and the circle of anger/arguing would go on for quite some time. Eventually I will say things like "I hate you" or start to question the morality/character of the person I'm having the argument with, when at the end of the day, I don't hate them and they are all great people.

I guess I have a few other questions:
-How can I avoid letting the little things bother me so much?
-How can I quickly realize that I'm getting upset over nothing and deal with it asap?
-If I am in argument, how do I calm down so issues are resolved asap?
-Any other tips or general guidance regarding these circumstances would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You already know that your anger is an issue for you, or you wouldn't have told your story on this site.

I think you'll find the answers to all four of your other questions as you go through the process described on this FAQ page. Take each step recommended, and do all that is suggested. Especially the anger journaling will be helpful to you in catching your anger impulses earlier, so that you can make better decisions.

Do this for yourself, and for your own well being. You are worthy of a good life and quality relationships, and only you can create that for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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