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I have a big problem with my anger. My girlfriend does not listen to me when I'm pissed off and that drives me crazy. It's like she doesn't take me seriously.
Because of this we start arguing and it leads into a fight. Then I lay my hands on her because I can't handle the pressure anymore. I blame her for standing up to me and fighting with me.
Whenever this happens she walks out and I don't like it that way. It makes me freak out more and hurting inside because I do love her and care a lot for her.
My question is, she's walked out and how will I bring her back home? It seems like she's made up her mind and packed all her stuff and made it clear shes not coming back. I'm really worried and panicking that I have lost her for good.
I think we both got the same problem--we can't control our anger. So what should I do?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Wyne, and thanks for telling your story here. It's good that you want to get control of your anger. That desire needs to be stronger in you than the desire to get your girlfriend back. With your anger level like it is, it's probably best for you and her to be apart for now.
The reason she doesn't listen to you when you're angry is that she is busy figuring out how to protect herself. Unhealthy anger is not a good communicator--in other words, when you're angry at someone, they usually don't want to hear about it. That's not just your girlfriend, that is everyone.
You asked for my advice, so here it is. Work on your anger. Get yourself healthy emotionally, so that you don't get physical with your girlfriend or anyone for that matter. If your anger continues to be a problem, getting back together with her won't do either of you any good.
If you're serious about working on your anger, do the journaling exercises on this page. Take this seriously, Wyne, and you'll get some good results. It is long, serious work to heal anger at a serious level.
Use these imagery processes for emotional healing to deal with any personal trauma from your past.
Believe in yourself, Wyne. Become the good person you know you are inside, and heal your anger so that it works for you instead of against you.
My very best to you,
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