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I Love My Daughter But Can't Seem To Show It
I am writing because I have 3 kids--a 1 year old, a 2 year old and a 6 year old. When my oldest was the only child everything was perfect. I would take her everywhere and do all kinds of things with her.
Now I can't even get myself to give her a real hug, a kiss or even say I love you. And with my other kids I am very affectionate. I feel that in a way I am emotionally abusive to her. I see myself screaming and name calling, and I know I am slowly pushing her really far away from me.
I realize all of this, and I always cry and say that the next day needs to be different, that I need to change and I can't. I want her to trust me and feel comfortable to talk to me, to just sit and watch TV together. But I can't make that happen and really want to! Please help!
A desperate mother
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thank you for telling your story here. Something has happened between you and your daughter, and I will help you figure out what that is so that you can heal it.
Somehow, on a subconscious level, she is triggering an unresolved issue in you. In order to find out what that is, do the journaling processes described on this page. By writing about all of your own personal trauma, whatever that is, you might discover why you feel the way you do toward your daughter.
Here are some questions for you:
1) Did you have conflict with your mother? Did she ever treat you the way you're treating your daughter? Write a full description of every aspect of your relationship with your mother.
2) Were you abused as a child? Your anger toward your daughter could be a rejection of the wounded part of yourself. Use these imagery processes for emotional healing to resolve any abuse issues you may have.
Do all of the above exercises on a regular, daily basis, until you start feeling and showing love for your daughter.
Believe in yourself and love yourself.
My very best to you,
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