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I Love My Daughter But Can't Seem To Show It

by Anonymous

I am writing because I have 3 kids--a 1 year old, a 2 year old and a 6 year old. When my oldest was the only child everything was perfect. I would take her everywhere and do all kinds of things with her.

Now I can't even get myself to give her a real hug, a kiss or even say I love you. And with my other kids I am very affectionate. I feel that in a way I am emotionally abusive to her. I see myself screaming and name calling, and I know I am slowly pushing her really far away from me.

I realize all of this, and I always cry and say that the next day needs to be different, that I need to change and I can't. I want her to trust me and feel comfortable to talk to me, to just sit and watch TV together. But I can't make that happen and really want to! Please help!

A desperate mother

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thank you for telling your story here. Something has happened between you and your daughter, and I will help you figure out what that is so that you can heal it.

Somehow, on a subconscious level, she is triggering an unresolved issue in you. In order to find out what that is, do the journaling processes described on this page. By writing about all of your own personal trauma, whatever that is, you might discover why you feel the way you do toward your daughter.

Here are some questions for you:

1) Did you have conflict with your mother? Did she ever treat you the way you're treating your daughter? Write a full description of every aspect of your relationship with your mother.

2) Were you abused as a child? Your anger toward your daughter could be a rejection of the wounded part of yourself. Use these imagery processes for emotional healing to resolve any abuse issues you may have.

Do all of the above exercises on a regular, daily basis, until you start feeling and showing love for your daughter.

Believe in yourself and love yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission.

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Sep 02, 2014
Help Me Please I'm A Young Mother
by: Anonymous

Thanks for posting this. I am a young mother, and I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I have problems showing love to my 4 year old but don't have any showing love to my 1 year old. I always shout at her and get angry. I always cry because I love her so much but I can't show it. I'm angry at myself. I need help as well. I wanted to end my life because I think I'm the worst person ever and she doesn't deserve it. I'm crying as I write this, because it hurts my heart and I can never stop shouting at her. I need help. Someone help me, please.

From Dr. DeFoore

It is so good that you told your story here, and that you're reaching out for help. You're a good person, and that's why you want to show your love for your daughter. First, though, you have to learn to love yourself. Read the other stories and recommendations on this page, and follow them for yourself. You can be the loving mother you want to be.

Wishing you healing,

Dr. DeFoore

May 06, 2012
You're Not Alone
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing this. I have a 4 year old and feel the same. Maybe I should try the journal. I was abused and neglected and I'm struggling not to be the same with my daughter. I find it hard to spend time with her and don't really feel loving towards her like with my son. I'm really angry at myself.

From Dr. DeFoore

Definitely try the journaling. It will help you to see and become more connected with the good person and the good parent you truly are inside. The abuse and neglect affected you, but it didn't make you who you are. Your choices now and going forward will determine who you become. You can choose to be the person you want to be, and the journaling process will help you do just that.

Believe in yourself. You can do this.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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