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I had been good friends with my boyfriend for seven years before we even got together. I had thought he was wonderful person. He was always so caring, sweet, and always there when you needed him. That's how we had come to be a couple.
I was in a situation were I had no place to live, no job, no income. He said I could stay at his house for as long as I needed and eventually we became a couple. It was great for the first 4 months, and I can still remember the first thing he did that should have been the signal for me to leave.
I asked him a question in front of his friend, not thinking anything about it. Well apparently it was something he didn't want his friend to know because he walked into the bedroom, shut the door, grabbed my face to put his forehead against mine and whispered so no one would hear how next time he'd bash me in the face.
I should have left but I have nowhere to go. Since then it's been horrible. I can barely stand being near him. Last summer he was drinking every day and fighting me every night. Not just verbal abuse, although I find that the worst is always calling me names or telling me how no one loves me, my own family hates me, I'm fat and ugly.
I know it's all just to upset me and I shouldn't let it. But it's hard not to listen. Then there's the physical abuse . Last summer he broke my nose by head butting me in a bar with a bunch of witnesses. But because of my living situation I didn't charge him. I could go on and on about the things he's done physically.
Of course he tells me it's my fault he hits me because "I know how angry he gets and I bring it on myself by arguing back," which is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I get angry all the time and I don't hit people. He went to jail for a month and I stayed at his apartment. I was the happiest I've been since being with him. I felt free. I could do what I wanted when I wanted, and I wasn't stressed. I could hang out with friends and see my family whenever I wanted without being accused of cheating.
I know I have to leave I just keep hoping he'll change. He disrespects me so much he even gets his 2 yr old son into the middle of it when he comes on weekends. My boyfriend will get mad at me and tell his son "Ashleigh's bad, she hurts daddy," or "Ashleigh's mean, tell her to go away." He even encouraged his son to hit me! Of course he's only 2, he doesn't know what's going on. It's horrible!
I'm at my breaking point. I don't know what else to do. I know there are shelters, but I'm having such a hard time bringing myself to do it, and I don't know what he'll do .
That's the tip of the iceberg. Any advice would help!!
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. This is only going to get worse, and you're the only person who can take care of yourself. It is time that you get clear on taking some action. A lot of this web site is devoted to helping people just like you. Read the following pages, and follow all of the recommendations:
dealing with an abusive relationship
battered wife syndrome
You have to believe in the goodness of your heart, Ashleigh.
You are worthy of respect and kindness.
Get yourself into a shelter right away, and they will help you find a job and a place to live.
Do it for you.
My very best to you,
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