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To start off, I have always had problems with my mom. She almost always had nothing nice to say about me.
Since I was 13, I was always depressed for I don't know what reason, taking 10 sleeping pills hoping I wouldn't wake up. I would be violent toward my sisters, nieces and nephews for no reason.
At the age of 14 I was raped, and didn't find any love or care from anyone but a guy I ended up getting pregnant from at the age of 15. He turned out to be a drug addict and we were almost never happy. I guess some happiness was the fact of accepting my life and being used to it.
He would emotionally abuse me, putting me down all the time. I ended up with two kids and one miscarriage at the age of 18. I ended our relationship after he got physically abusive with me and being tired of him going in and out of jail, abusing me emotionally and physically, not being a good father.
I'm 21 now, separate from my children's father who doesn't leave me alone. No job no school because I have no support at all. I'm living with my parents who are unhappy since my mom cheated on my dad and they lost their house.
I feel miserable and and to top it off I feel like I love my daughter so much but can't show her love at all. I can't hug her and feel warmth in my heart or anything. I can't tell her I love her with any emotion. I hear myself telling her mean things and very angry towards her. I cry myself to sleep hoping things will be different the next day but they're not. I don't know what to do, Please help me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Roxy, and thanks for telling your story here. You’ve been through a lot in your life, as you well know. I will try to help you heal from your past wounds, and begin creating a future life of meaning and value.
I want you to consider that you’re a good person inside, and doing the exercises I recommend will help you build on that natural inner goodness. First, we need to clear some of the anger and sorrow.
Follow all of the guidelines on this FAQ page, which will help you understand and heal your anger, and start to focus on the good that is in your life--as bad as it is, I assure you, there is a lot of good in you and your life.
Your mental focus...what you think about, determines how you feel. I know you can’t stop the anger all at once, but if you do all of the steps I’m recommending, you’ll get some good results.
Believe in yourself, Roxy. You’re not a victim, even though you have been victimized in your past. Claim the freedom and power of responsibility, and move forward with your life toward the things you really want.
My very best to you,
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