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I Get Angry At Myself For Stupid Reasons & I Don't Know Why

by Brexen

School is never easy, me being a fifteen-year-old. I get angry whenever I do something wrong or stupid, or when I say stuff I don't mean. I tend to convince myself I did something so wrong that I feel disappointment in myself.

My mother cares for me, I know she does, and wants the best for me. I grew up since 2nd grade working independently on my school work because where I live there are international schools. My brother, and my sister went to another American school and I transferred to a British school. (They did not pass their entrance exam).

I've gotten used to working on my own, only accepting my work done myself. I transferred last year (2015) to an American school because I did not want to do IGCSE's (they are too stressful for me). It was all different for me because the American system was way different.

I've told her many times that I did not want any help and that I wanted to do this on my own. I hate seeking help, but that doesn't mean I struggle with many subjects because I don't ask for help. So whenever she wants to know what I have to study for, it ticks me off because then she starts to pressure me and make me feel more stressed.

Also because my sister has experienced the same year (she is four years older than me) there was obviously a big change in teachers and different teachers have unique ways of teaching. So she tends to compare me and say things like "your sister had tests like this" or sometimes a teacher would tell us to not study from the book only her notes, but my mom would want me to study from the book.

Basically, I'm wasting my time studying the book, because when I took the test it was all from the notes. So that pissed me off. Whenever she brings up studying I tend to accidently sound rude to her by saying "just the normal subjects" or when she says, "Do you have any tests?" I'm forced to say no because she will stress me out.

I do get good grades without her help. What I want to fix is trying not to sound rude and hold my anger in because I say stuff I don't mean when she asks me. Any advice?

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Jan 09, 2017
Some Suggestions For You
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Brexen

I can tell you're a smart person, and I appreciate your well-written submission. Here is what I suggest to help you manage your responses to your mother:

1) Every time she asks about your studying or school work, or offers help to you, tell her that you really appreciate her trying to help you. You might not feel sincere with this at first, but the more you do it, the better it will feel. This is a smart way to respond, because you're focusing on the good part of what she's doing, rather than focusing on how annoying it is.

2) You can also practice this imagery process, to mentally rehearse the kind of response you want to have to her. Picture yourself looking at her and smiling, while thanking her for trying to help.

You can succeed in this, Brexen. You're a good person. Keep up the good work!

My best,

Dr. DeFoore

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