I Feel So Full Of Anger!
(Hillsborough N.C. USA)
I grew up with an alcoholic father who was abusive to my mother and not very kind to my three sisters and my one brother and myself. Life was very hard and sad growing up. No matter how mean my Dad was, I loved him very much and I was still very close to him. He still showed me more attention than my Mom did.
I had to grow up fast and try to watch out for my brother and sisters. When I was 16 years old I ran away from home. I didn't see my family for almost two years. During this time I met my future husband who turned out to be just like my Dad. He beat me and drank all the time but I loved him.
My Dad committed suicide when I was 19 years old. I got married three weeks later. I stayed with my husband for 23 years. It was hard. We have a daughter together. I let her go through all of the things I went through as a little girl, but he wasn't nice to her so finally I worked up my courage to leave him and stay gone.
I had left before but always came back. Wendy was 12 then but then I kind of went wild and started drinking and going out with men and ignoring my daughter. I met a guy and in 23 months and we moved in with him. 2 years later we got married and had a son. He didn't drink but he wasn't nice, he was controlling, verbally abusive, cold hearted has a very bad temper and he knew which buttons to push to make me so mad!
I was always too scared of my first husband to say anything back to him because I knew he would hurt me. But my 2nd husband is bigger than me but he makes me so mad that I shout at him and throw things, he just makes me so mad.
Our divorce was final 2 weeks ago and he has been so mean through all of this and he still makes me so mad. I think he enjoys this, but I'm really getting tired of being angry all of the time. I want to let go of the anger. Is all the anger coming from him or from everything in my whole life ? How can I let go and be at peace so my daughter and son can have the kind of Mom they deserve?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sarah, and thanks for telling your story here. In answer to your question, the anger is definitely coming from everything in your whole life. Anger all runs together inside, it doesn't stay in separate compartments related to specific events or relationships. You've been through a lot in your life, and you have good reasons for your anger.
Your anger is saying to you, "It's time for you to create a healthy life, and stop having anything to do with these abusive men." I suggest you heed its message, and get healthy before you even consider another relationship with a man.
Follow all of the guidelines on this FAQ page, and I think it will help you understand and heal your anger. This will help you tell the story behind your anger, which is essential to its healing.
You may also want to read Adult Children of Alcoholics, a wonderful book for anyone with an alcoholic parent.
You can do this, Sarah. Believe in yourself, and the good person you truly are inside.
My very best to you,