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I Feel Psycho
Hello. Um, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 16 months now. And we met at a friend's house and ended up hooking up that night and hanging out every day after.
He moved into my parent's house with me in my room about 2 weeks into meeting him and he lived with us for about 5 months then he got kicked out and I stayed homeless with him outside. While those five months occurred I hit him for the first time about 3 months in because he was getting mad at me and not letting me go onto the computer to do something.
I think the anger grew because a month ago before that I found his Facebook on and read his messages to girls saying he was going to rent a hotel to do drugs, and he lied to me that night saying he was going to see his sister and I forgave him right away for that as well.
Then I was with a guy friend and he got mad that about that the night I wanted to go on the computer so I punched him and it hit him in the head. He forgave me for it and we continued. Then later in the relationship I continuously hit him and I couldn't explain why. It just happened.
Then about 8 months in I found he was always flirting with girls and hitting on them so I held that in and the abuse kept happening. Then about 12 months in he finally started hitting me back every time I hit him. But I never did anything to him like he did to me.
Then recently we were at the pool and I went upstairs to get ready and saw him touching and flirting with a girl from upstairs so I ran down and hit him multiple times and he now lives in my garage and we're not allowed to see each other. My heart hurts so bad and I don't know why I hit him. It's just an instant reaction.
Please tell me do I need help? What do you think is the matter with me? Do you think it's a good idea to continue this relationship? Is it even a real relationship? I feel like he's using me for my family, like he doesn't care about me. But I'm 17 and he's 23.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It's good that you're asking these questions. You already know something's wrong, or you would not have told your story here.
Any time there is physical violence in a relationship, both people need help. I strongly encourage you to end this relationship and focus on getting yourself emotionally healthy. Follow the guidelines on this FAQ page to help with that. You will not be ready to be emotionally involved with a man until you have learned to heal and manage your own anger.
Make up your mind that you're going to get healthy as a person, then when you've made some progress, consider getting involved with a boyfriend again.
It will also help you to read this page on letting go of a relationship.
Believe in yourself and the goodness in your heart.
My very best to you,