I Can't Take The Stress Of Dealing With My 18 Year Old Son
(New York, NY)
I am a Single, 42 yr old woman with only one child, my son. He is 18 yrs old and he is causing me to be very depressed and ready to give up. He is hurting too. This I know because he has been torn between me and his father since he was 2 yrs old. The father took me to court saying that I was mentally unstable.
That was a very weak point in my life, although I had a great job and I had a lot of good thing going on. I had just recalled all of my childhood abuses. Every one you can think of, I went through it with my parents who were also not together.
I gave in to my son's father because I thought that was the best thing to do, and this is where it all began. The father has never respected me. We never could get on one accord. He poisoned my son's brain by telling him I never wanted to be bothered with him. So now, to him it seems true.
My son has had problems in school since 1st grade. Problems with not listening, following instructions, and doing what he wants to when he wants to. He made it to high school only to drop out in the 1st quarter of 11th grade. He stole from the teacher's pocket and the school didn't press charges. They asked me to remove him.
The dean tried very hard, and so did I, to get him established in an alternative school. But he just doesn't follow through. Just the other day, I called him and told him about a GED prep school that he can go to and told him to go register by 12 noon. He didn't go.
I told him to go to The Door, a NYC based program for young adults in need. No interest. Instead, he wants to stay in the house causing me pain and stress, demanding money from me, smoking weed and constantly bringing strangers in my house that disrespect me also.
My management company has threatened to put me out because of the chaotic behavior that he displays towards me, my neighbors, etc. I don't like my son because of his behavior. I tell him to just leave, he tells me that he lives there too & that he has rights.
My friends have told me over and over again to get him out of my house but I know he doesn't have any place to go. Over the last 3 years, he has been back and forth between my house and his father's house about 8 times. I put him out, he goes to his father's. His father puts him out, he comes back to me and I feel sorry for him and obligated.
He has stolen from me. My Apple laptop, my 24 inch flat screen, my BluRay player. Just recently, he had some girls in my house that stole some of my jeans. I can't help this kid! I've tried and I just want out of this life. I don't feel like it is going to get any better.
He has even hit me and spent 5 days in prison.
I've cried! I've prayed! I've sought counsel! I've explained! What else can I do? I know what I should do but I am afraid.