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I am very much depressed with my husband. He is a typical mama's boy. He has been abusing me and my parents, but wants me to take care of his mother.
Even though he knows that I hate her, he forcefully got his mother to stay with us. His mother also supports him in his all wrong doing. She wants the husband and wife to fight and she gets the control of her son.
We have a daughter of 1 and a half years. I feel this type of environment is not good for her. My husband is a very stubborn person. He does not listen to me. He is also very rude to me. We never discuss any issues we have calmly. It's just impossible to talk to him.
I gave up after trying to talk so many times for the past 4 years of our marriage. His mother generally stays with her other son and my husband supports her financially. I don't want to take his mother away from him. He may go and meet her any number of times, but I can't stay with her. She creates problem between us.
All this is making my life terribly miserable. How do I make him feel that whatever he is doing is not good for the family? Is there any other method I can make him feel that he hurts me a lot.
I thought of stopping sex with him, but don't know if this will work. Please guide me. My life is like a hell now.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. The only way that you and your husband can be happy is if you work together toward a positive outcome.
It is reasonable that you do not want to take care of his mother, especially since she seems to try to come between you and your husband. I would recommend to your husband that he ask his mother to live somewhere else, and focus on strengthening his marriage with you.
Tell him specifically what you want. While it is understandable that you don't want to have sex with him, witholding sex usually only makes things worse. You have to be the one to decide what is right for you in that area.
I recommend that you and your husband both read Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and be sure and do all of the exercises at the end of the book.
It takes work to get from where you are to where you want to be in your marriage. Follow my recommendations, and I think you'll get there.
Believe in yourself, and believe in your marriage.
My very best to you,
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