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(Crestline, Ohio U.S.A)
I guess I am writing. I took some advice from friends and more importantly to her, my girlfriend. There have been many outbursts from me, and everyone I know tells me I get aggravated easily.
I do. I tend to not talk about my feelings, and when I do it is very uncomfortable, I don't feel like it's "manly." Plus I don't feel like people understand it.
I got the police called on my during vacation at Myrtle Beach because I was screaming at my girlfriend and slamming doors and throwing things across the room. I often trap people in a room with me until we can reconcile the problem.
I am a very kind and understanding person even during all of this, which makes me think I am crazy. Even in the heat of an argument when I am screaming, I try to apologize to the other person.
I am constantly doing things for other people because I love seeing other people happy. But I feel as if no one does the same for me. I've been told I am "codependant" on people. I never studied much into it, but it seemed to suit me from what I heard.
I tend to rant much, which was why I was skeptical of writing this in the first place, but talking to a computer is a lot easier than talking to the few friends I have. I used to be quite popular, I had many friends and had fun a lot.
Lately, though, I only have my best friend, and my girlfriend, and it seems all I want to do is come home after work and sleep or relax. It drives my girlfriend crazy and we get in many arguments over it. Does it make me a bad person that I stress about bills and want to take the 2 hours I have between the time I come home and the time I go to bed to relax?
Is it bad I only take 2 hours to myself to deal with these things? How do you make someone understand that your anger isn't 100% your fault, that they can be insensitive and set it off? Or is it 100% my fault? I would very much like to be able to calm myself and start thinking clearly and stress free and be a fun and active person again, that everyone loved being around. Not the person I have turned into.
P.S. Thank you for allowing people to simply write on here. It was a huge help.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Jordan, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad it helped you to write your feelings. I can see why you would feel pretty mixed up, knowing that you're a kind and understanding person, and finding yourself being so angry and aggressive that police are called to intervene.
You need to make peace with your anger, Jordan. The way you are expressing it is extremely unhealthy, for you and everyone around you. If you do each of the exercises recommended on this FAQ page, and take them very seriously, you will find great benefit and healing.
I think you will do the right thing here, Jordan. And please stop trapping people in the room with you when you're angry. That will never work, and it is very abusive. In answer to your question, you are 100% responsible for your anger, and the other person is 100% responsible for their actions and words. I think you're a smart man, and you know what I mean. No matter what another person says or does, you're still responsible for how you react.
You may want to read, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It's a classic, and I think it will help you.
Believe in yourself, and the goodness of your heart, and try to always act from that goodness.
My very best to you,
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