I Am An Abusive Mother And Not Sure If I Deserve To Live

by ldm
(Orange County)

Two days ago I was advised by my 34 year old brilliant, professional, successful daughter that I neglected her emotional needs. She says I am mean, and that I abandoned her.

I was a single mother with no assistance from the sire (we were married), raising two daughters 3.5 years old and 18 month old. While caring for my grandmother, caring for a mentally ill mother (bi-polar), assisting in the family business as well as taking on work (legal) and approved jobs with our church.

I homeschooled both girls to the best of my ability through the public school system, charters as well as hired tutors when best affordable. I chose homeschooling because I was not sure where we would land because my first husband told me to leave. I am thankful he did it was not a good environment for me much less them.

Music lessons, ballet, whatever they wanted to try that could fulfill them, as I tried to understand their needs. The list goes on and on. High school graduation celebrations, fair college opportunities, college degrees, nice college graduation celebrations decent weddings. I even relented and let them dabble in the entertainment business for fun. To which I did not receive many of those things myself.

No I am not a hero and do not deserve a balloon bouquet much less mother of the year award.

I was advised I was absent as well as neglected her emotional needs. When I asked several questions during the rant of 2 hours, she stated she was not going to be vulnerable with me, how could she?

Over the years I tried to get her to open up with me apparently not enough or good enough.

She reminded me of the over-zealous educator that stalked her to which I had a PI take part in stopping this fellow. Too long of a story.

I remarried 17 years later (not dating or consideration of dating during those years) to a relatively nice man with a few issues of his own. He was and has been very helpful, kind, considerate as well as giving during our plight. Oh he also keeps me in line and rarely takes my side if I do not deserve it.

I have made many mistakes to which I have apologized many times repented as well as tried to make up for my poor choices. To no avail.

On Tuesday of this week I was advised I have never said I was sorry, I am childish, not very mature, I get angry when others do not agree with me oh and did I mention she said I was mean?

The story goes on and on of course. I agree that I am many of the unfavorable mentions. I have been seeking professional help with and without her. I withhold many of my own problems, wrong doings and just plain ignorant decisions as my responsibilities. I have and am presently trying to make up for my mistakes...with apparently no success.

She is a brilliant young woman. I tell her how proud of her I am. It turns around to me that it’s all about me.

Is there any hope? Do I deserve to live?

Thank you for this opportunity. Well wishes.

Regards,
The sinking mother ship.