I Am A Road Rage Victim Wanting Revenge
(Hampshire, United Kingdom)
I am a 35 year old and wish to narrate my story as a road rage victim.
I was confused for the past two days as a road rage victim asking myself "Why didn't I ever retaliate with verbal abuse at the other driver and let him go?" Now I am convinced I took the right decision.
Every other web page on revenge I visited, supported my angry reactions but your page offered solutions. Great! I will definitely try the "inner avenger" method after I finish this write up.
So, here is my story. I would like this to be published if it feels appropriate and suitable for general audience.
So, I was in outskirts of london on a working day in the middle of my holiday with my wife and 4 year old son. They were waiting in the train station when I went to pick up my car from the car park. It was already 11 AM and we were getting late for breakfast. Unfortunately I missed the exit where my wife and kid were waiting for me, and on a busy road I managed to stop at a narrow exit on left a little further where a few cars were parked and it looked like a one-way with no tarmac. I thought it was safe to stop with my indicators on and to make a quick phone call to my wife that I missed the exit.
(Just to let readers know, from this point it just took less than 1 minute for all the below events to happen).
Before I could digest where I was and what I should do, I see an old person driving his car right in front of me. He intended to cross me and go on the other side. I realized the only way to do that is by having 1/2 an inch gap between our cars (side-to-side) and personally I never did that, so I wanted to get down and see if I could safely do it.
I signaled the driver to wait for a second while I got down and observed how we can safely do it. But suddenly I realized there was another driver right behind me who started honking wildly and started abusing me without any prior hint. His problem I think is that he was getting late for something and I was in his way.
Once I observed the position of our cars, before getting inside my car, I faced the aggressive driver and apologized to him for getting on his way and I said I am going to move out immediately. But the abuses continued.
I didn't retaliate at that point of time, as I focused on clearing the traffic problem created by me in the first place without causing any damage to anyone. And I did that and pulled over a few yards after it was safe to do and allowed the aggressive driver to pass by.
But then since 2 days I am feeling guilty that I didn't retaliate by saying at least one abusive word to the other driver as I quickly realized it was not my mistake at all and he had no right to abuse me whatsoever. This thought keeps coming to me night and day and I can see that I am not able to control my emotions however hard I may try.
I will appreciate your comments here.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sri, and thanks for telling your story here. It is good that you did not retaliate with abuse towards the abuser--that probably would not have helped you feel any better than you do.
Consider that the angry driver's behavior had nothing to do with you. What I mean is, if he had not been venting anger toward you, it would only be a matter of time before he was venting it toward someone else. Let him have his problem, give it to him, and do not take it on as your own. Imagine the anger you feel inside moving back to him, as if it was a smoke or vapor.
Try the exercises on the alternatives to getting revenge page, and the road rage page.
You are a good person, Sri, and that is why you chose not to be a perpetrator in this situation.
Focus on your goodness, and act from that place within you.
My very best to you,