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Helping A Neighbor Backfired Into Harrassment Situation

by Anonymous

A few years ago I helped a friend next door who was in an abusive relationship and she wanted to get out of it. She used to come to my house and use my telephone so her husband couldn't trace the calls. She wanted to try and make contact with her ex-boyfriend as she wanted to get back together with him. The ex- boyfriend was now married and didn't want to know her. So she said she had made her bed and had to lie in it.

Her husband found out about me helping his wife and has made my life hell ever since. He has thrown boiling water over my cats, keyed the varnished fences, written gross graffiti on the gate posts and killed off our vines, to name a few things.

But the most pleasure he gets is by reporting us to the council for music, DIY noise and motorbikes, all of which are lies.

I tried to do the right thing and ignore it. But the more I ignored it the more angry he got, and the more horrid things were done and said about us.

I haven't spoken to him much but when I ask why he has done a particular thing, he pushes his face in mine and asks where my proof is.

The Police, Envirocrime and Anti social behaviour are very good but without proof I can't do anything.

I have gone from a nice, happy person to a recluse. I fear leaving the house as I don't know what damage to my property I will come home to. If I want peace and quiet I have to go to the extreme. I will close all the house up and when evening comes I don't put the lights on and creep about so he doesn't know I'm in.

What a difference....peace and quiet. But the minute I open windows and put the lights on and he knows I am home, I am back to hell.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It appears this abusive man has shifted his abusiveness to you. It is clear that you are being harassed, and I know that is a helpless feeling--and yet you are not helpless.

I believe I can help you with your situation, but that will not be possible in this context. My counsel with you would be fairly complex, and I would need a lot more information about you to best serve you. The help I can offer could only be provided appropriately in the form of professional counseling.

If you would like to inquire about counseling by telephone or Skype videophone, please contact us for further information or to schedule.

I'm sorry I could not have been of more immediate help to you.

If nothing else, make up your mind to find a positive outcome to this situation. You can do this. Believe in yourself, and the power of your own goodness over the power of this man's toxic behavior.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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