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Help Me Please I'm In Such Turmoil

by Anonymous

I'm so glad I've found this site, please can you help me. I've been in a relationship for 8 years but I've had to finish the relationship as I'm so broken. To sum up my relationship these are some if the issues I face....

He's very controlling. Love has never been the issue as I do feel loved even though not healthy. I don't feel free to see my friends without the bombardment or paranoia. He's always accusing me when I'm the loyalist person ever. I've only ever had eyes for him and I tell him often.

I have given up things to try to make him happy and now I resent him. I feel like he's suffocating me. He's very vocal and sometimes he's disinterested in so I've totally lost voice and I can't talk to him.

I've lost myself, and I don't know who I am. I don't feel sexual anymore towards him. I'm so defensive all the time because he digs at me, making comments about my home, making comments about my family and friends, never encouraging me, always blaming me for everything.

I'm very independent as he doesn't bring much to the table financially. We never do anything nice together. I do everything for him. I get up every morning without making a fuss and take him to work at 5am.

Often he accuses me of cheating because I painted my nails, or because I'm wearing certain underwear. He’s paranoid when there is no need. He’s vicious towards me without realizing he's doing it. I’m frightened of him because I know what he's capable of. I never know what his reaction is going to be to things I say, things I do.

He slept with his ex-wife, and I don't feel like he was ever as sorry as he should've been. He’s never remorseful for long. He's always angry at something, and it's like when he’s talking about it, it's aimed at me.

I offered to help him reach his goals, but I never feel appreciated. I feel he takes me for granted. I don't feel he's particularly proud of me. I always feel pressured around him, I don't know why.

He calls me at work and on my way home, and if I don't call straight back he gets angry. He can be disrespectful of my home, breaking things, slamming things, throwing things, never being sorry!

I'm so frustrated because he never listens to me.

He's now moved back to his mum’s house, but it's like I can't give up on him.

Any advice would be so great as I'm in a dark place with missing him so much.

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Apr 26, 2016
How To Let Go
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for reaching out for help on this site. As you describe the relationship, it is very clear that there is a lot of dysfunction in your partner, and you have no positive things to say about him...and yet you find yourself missing him and having trouble letting go.

This is a form of relationship addiction, and it can be just as destructive as any other addiction. It is absolutely essential that you make every effort to shift your focus onto yourself and your healing, and off of the man.

This page on letting go of a relationship will help. You will find a lot of guidance there to help you through this process.

The bottom line is to learn to love yourself first. You will not have success in an intimate relationship until you decide to place yourself and your well being first in your priorities.

I wish you all the best in your healing.

Dr. DeFoore

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