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He Really Is A Good Kid

by Marcie

My son is 10 years old and weighs 260 lbs. I start with this line because this was the start of his problems. Because of his weight problems the other children at school teased him and made fun of him. After 2 years of this teasing I now have a very angry child who lashes out in very inappropriate ways, saying words that I'm not sure where he ever heard.

This is not how I raised my son. He has so many anger management issues I couldn't know where to start. The school really doesn't know what to do with him but call me to come and pick him up.

I am a single mom and struggling to hold down a full time job to keep food on the table in between frantic phone calls from the school. My son has been in counseling for 4 years now and I never really felt like it has done any good. I never really feel like the counselors have gotten to the bottom of his anger. They have told me they can't push a child to talk about things if they aren't ready to.

I really thought counselors took a class on how to get people to talk 101. The school tells me they think he should be hospitalized to get help and I was very opposed to this in the beginning, but after a year of dealing with this I'm almost at the point I would do most anything to get my sweet little boy back.

His counselor says absolutely not on the in-patient therapy. I feel stuck in the middle and very frustrated. I would really appreciate any response or help in any way.

I am feeling very desperate. Thank you.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Marcie, and thanks for telling your story here. The situation with your son is multi-faceted, as you know. It has taken him a while to get to his current weight and level of anger, so it will take some focused effort to help him. I will do my best to point you in some good directions.

First of all, talk therapy is often ineffective with children as young as 10 years old. The preferred treatment is something called "Activity Therapy" where the therapist engages in activities with the child rather than just trying to get them to talk. Check in your area and see if anyone offers that type of service.

The other form of treatment that is preferable for children your son's age is family therapy. I realize you may be his only family, but it would still be good if you were involved. As a single mom and if he's your only child, you have formed a very strong attachment to him, and you can be instrumental in helping with his problems. Look for a qualified family counselor in your area to check this out further.

I also strongly encourage you to check out the audio program below. You can listen to free previews right away, and get your copy through download or buying the CD.

Most important, Marcie, is that you believe in your son. See the good in him, and expect positive outcomes for his future. Avoid seeing him as a helpless victim. See him in your mind's eye as strong and smart, rising above his circumstances to become successful and happy. This is what you want, and I am just suggesting you focus on that desired outcome rather than being consumed by a focus on his problems. This will help both him and you.

And believe in yourself, and your good heart. Take responsibility for your role as his mother. You are the most important person in the world to him, and you can be part of the solution to his problems. Look at yourself, and make up your mind to learn and grow from this yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

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