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He Believed The Lies About Me More Than He Believed Me

by Anonymous

I am a 36 yr old mother of two children. My husband is 15 yrs younger than me. We met at our previous workplace almost three yrs ago. We tried to keep it quiet for a while but it eventually leaked out. Our fellow employees made it very difficult for us.

First of all, I am very much in love with my husband. I have never felt this kind of love before even in my past marriages. I was doing everything right this time. He meant the world to me. I was totally devoted and honest and faithful to him from day one and still am today.

Well my so called guy friends at work cracked jokes on us about the age difference and acted like they were his best friend. I was so happy that they accepted him because most of these guys were friends with my ex husband. Little did I know, they were taking him off to the side and telling him about things I had done in my past. They were even telling him things I hadn't done but made him believe it was true. They also led him to believe that I cheated on my ex husband constantly and I chased every new guy that came to work out there.

Well that started it all. He would get so mad at me at work and degrade me and humiliate me to no end. But because I had never felt love like this I didn't want to lose it and I would spend most of the night and morning trying to convince him that it wasn't true. Everything would be fine after that until the next night at work.

When they would see we were ok they would start again. His uncle was a supervisor out there and he did the same thing but was telling my husband’s parents how bad of a person I was and got them hating me. He would break up with me and go out with others while I sat at home depressed, not eating or drinking, losing so much weight, and couldn't sleep.

My kids were so worried about me. Then the next thing I know he's calling me back apologizing and wanting me back. This went on for almost two years. We ended up splitting for about four months. I was miserable. I made some mistakes and bad decisions in that time, but who doesn't when their hearts have been ripped out. I tried to kill myself because I lost the only man I truly loved.

One day I called just to hear his voice. That was the start of the best life ever. We got back together and he stood up to his parents. We got married and I quit my job and found a new one. Everything was great. But when we have disagreements he brings up all the stuff that was ever said to him about me and says it to me like that's who I am today.

His words cut so deep. But as always I forgive him and carry on. Now we were in the process of buying a house. We are just a couple of weeks away from closing and he tells me tonight after a slight misunderstanding that he doesn't want the house. He even called the loan officer and told him he didn't want to proceed. I come home from work to talk to him and in our discussion of me trying to fix everything he starts telling me that I get too comfortable with guys and I'm different around guys than I am girls and I flirt.

He started talking about things he saw at another place we worked at. And I tried to tell him that what he saw as he drove by on the fork truck wasn't how things were all the time. I told him he can't just take glances and assume that it's always that way. I could've been telling the maintenance guy that my machine was tore up but all he would see was a guy at my machine. Then he automatically thinks that I'm flirting and only talk to guys. But he wasn't always there in my area.

I had many women friends who I talked to most of the day. But he never saw that. Finally I asked him when was he going to open his eyes and see that I am totally devoted to him and only him and actually see the real me and not the me those guys implanted in his head that he can't let go of. I love my husband but this is killing me and tearing my heart out. I don't know what to do.

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Sep 02, 2014
Some things for you to think about
by: Dr. DeFoore

Thanks for your story. I really encourage you to begin shifting your focus from your partner to yourself. I encourage you to read this page on relationship advice. It will help you to love yourself enough to create loving, respectful relationships.

Respect is the foundation of love, and if you do not feel trusted and respected, you may not feel loved. Start by respecting and loving yourself, and then choose only to be in relationships in which you are loved and respected.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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