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Giving Up From Exhaustion

by Anonymous

I am a married mother of two with a high-powered corporate job. No one who knows me or encounters me would ever imagine what I have endured at home.

My husband is regularly verbally abusive, often in front of my young children. The image he projects in public is a far cry from who he has become at home.

My husband's anger has gotten worse over the past six months, while my work and life stresses have simultaneously increased. Most weeks, I end each day exhausted from work and caring for my family, yet I find myself constantly on edge and unable to relax or sleep.

I expend huge amounts of effort ensuring I don't do anything to disturb or anger him. I apologize when he screams at me, and I cite my own flaws as cause for his cheating. My life has become a scaffold- holding everything up for appearances, but just a temporary shell.

Why don't I leave? My conservative workplace frowns on divorce, and revealing instability at home would damage my career. I have little support and struggle with childcare when I travel for business.

I'm afraid that managing a household, enduring a financial hit, and juggling work and home alone would break me. If I'm not broken already in spirit.

I want to set a better example for my sons than a weak mother who gives up on herself. But I just can't figure out what to do or how.

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Feb 19, 2015
I Am In The Same Shoes
by: Cassondra


Your post came at the correct time. I have been married for 7 years and those years have been living hell at home, in the car, in restaurants, etc. It started as verbal abuse and constant taunting for control. In the end, you feel drained and too scared for you to make your own decisions.

It is control they crave the most. In my situation, he got physically abusive after I would not break down and fight back. I got strong in therapy. As I write this, my husband is now in jail for biting me. They are throwing the book at him this time for all reported incidences of abuse. In addition to that, he employs me with our huge business and I am here, far away from friends and family, struggling to try to put the pieces together to run this business.

His abuse cost him huge amounts of money for an attorney, lost wages, embarrassment. He may even lose his business. Nothing matters to abusers but staying in control. By your husband terrorizing you, he gains your power.

Only therapy can help him. Usually it stems from childhood. By an abuser recognizing this, he can put the tools he learns in therapy to overcome these feelings. He is taking his feelings of inadequacy out on you. My husband was diagnosed with narcissistic tendencies.

He was getting better with therapy but he stopped going. So now the court is going to force him and he probably will be on probation. I hope your situation gets better. I am sorry for what you are going through. Stay the strong woman you are!

Feb 18, 2015
You Are Worth Taking The Necessary Action
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello - I can tell that you are a very intelligent and capable woman. I also appreciate the difficulty you are faced with, in regard to your marriage, your career, and your desire to be a good role model for your children.

How you feel about yourself is actually the most important thing of all. I strongly encourage you to journal about your different choices, and be totally clear in exploring all of the consequences of each choice. Learn more about journaling here.

I think you'll find a course of action that is aligned with your personal integrity, and one that is not. Your integrity is your most important possession, and without it you really don't have much of anything.

Be true to yourself, your values and your self respect, and you cannot go wrong.

Nothing is worth the price of abuse. Nothing.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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