Fuming With Anger
I can barely control my emotions. I can't at all! People around me don't have to make much effort to make me angry. I know it is a very bad thing. And it almost always leads to ugly discussions or long sulky not-talking phases. My anger takes a significant amount of time to subside- not less than a month. I can't let go things easily. The new dissatisfaction adds up to the previous one and ends up in a huge pile.
Sometimes I feel I should leave all my loved ones behind and go somewhere far away where my anger can't hurt them. Or maybe I'll devote myself to the service of God. But I can't do even that with all these vices.
I have a wonderful, loving and caring boyfriend. But somehow he fails to fulfill my expectations. Like he commits to call in half an hour and instead he takes three. I know these are very small things and I should understand his situation and that he isn't doing it deliberately.
But at that moment it drives me crazy and my face feels like exploding with heat. It never strikes to me to count to ten when I am angry. My anger results in breaking my favorite china mugs or burning my diary or hurting myself. I can remember myself throwing away my bag and my shoes in the middle of the road while people were watching me.
This birthday I gifted my boyfriend with, "Less expectations and no anger." It is only 5 days after his birthday and I took it back. I had a fight with him today just because he is too busy with his work to call me up. I am very unhappy. I have decided to quit my job, leave him and my family and go to a place where I can find some peace. No people around me, no expectations, no anger, no regret...only happiness.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Abhilasha, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you are in a lot of pain over your anger and your situation. My concern about you going away is that the place you seek does not exist. Everywhere you go, you will sooner or later get into relationships, and all of your issues will surface again.
So, I will try to help you find the peace you want in your own heart and soul.
I suggest you do the three journaling processes on this page. This will help you review past trauma, contain and focus your anger, and shift your mental focus to the positive things in you and your life.
You are a good writer, Abhilasha. Take advantage of that skill and do this journaling process. It will help you, if you do it. It is really a matter of getting to know yourself and learning to love yourself. Speaking of that, it is also important that you develop your self esteem. You have a lot of negative feelings about yourself, and that may be the core of your problem.
Believe in yourself and the goodness in your heart, Abhilasha. You can do this. Use these tools, and don't give up. You will get good results if you set your mind and heart to this.
My very best to you,
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