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Drama, Drama, Drama

by Donna
(Houston, Texas, USA)

This story is not funny. However, I believe it needs to be told. My son, who is now 27, has a 6 year old daughter with a woman, 30 yrs. old, who is about as crazy as they get.

My son has been off and on drugs, steroids, drinking, etc. He goes from a loving son to a "FU, Mom" in 2 seconds flat.

The mother keeps the child away even though they share week to week. Making up stories when my son is sober. He has been trying, and yet this woman and he himself bring him down to very bad breaking points. It is not healthy for any of us, especially my precious grandbaby.

I read the stories and comments above and see that it's time to let him figure out his own problems. I agree, and I am doing so. However, he is on our phone plan, car insurance and sometimes needs help with money. So then, of course, he needs me.

His father says he is done and won't even listen any longer. I don't want my son to feel abandoned. He doesn't have many friends, and the few he has, well, let's just say they take steroids and the whole rage thing starts again.

I am hurt and heartbroken for my son and my grandbaby, and I want to crawl in a hole and pray his problems away.

He doesn't believe in God, which I believe causes a lot of his issues. I just want to do what is right, praying he will find help and let go of this anger. He has no respect for women at all.

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Jun 14, 2019
You Are Not Responsible For How Your Son Feels
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello Donna, and thanks for telling your story here where others may benefit.

You say you don't want your son to feel abandoned. That's not your job. Most human beings experience feelings of abandonment at some point in their lives. It's fairly normal.

If he were a child, then most certainly it would be your job not to abandon him. However, now that he is an adult, it is dysfunctional thinking for you to be focused on how he feels.

Your focus needs to be on what is best for you and your husband. Take the necessary steps to get him off your insurance and phone plan. The more you parent him, the more he will act like a child.

There are no guarantees that he will behave well, or get better if you put the necessary boundaries in place. But you will have taken action in the one arena that is your responsibility, and that is regarding your choices and your personal well being.

Love is letting go...holding on and trying to help someone who is not helping himself is not love. It's dysfunctional caretaking, and it does more harm than good.

I wish you all the best as you make the decision that you feel is right for you.

Dr. DeFoore

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