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Depressed, Drinking And Can't Stop Thinking About Her

by Tim
(Orlando, FL)

Me and my girlfriend of two years have recently moved apart from each other. I was her first lover. It has been three months and I'm not doing to well.

We were engaged, but now I haven't heard from her in 3 months.

I failed every question on the depression test, and I just can't shake this. Can you give me some advice?

We planned to move her down in May, but her phone got disconnected. The last we said to each other was we love each other and it might be a while until we talk. She called from a pay phone once or twice but not off of any other phone.

What do I do? If it's over, I want closure but have no way to get in contact with her. Or am I jumping the gun? Will she call me soon?

I'm doing financially good, and I'm in school but I just get anxious to where I want to throw up and go crazy and I just want to know. Just want to talk to her, if anything, for closure.

I find myself drinking more and more just to be able to sleep. It's affecting everything. I lost my job and I fear my school's next.

Please help me. Am I the fool who can't let go? I'm trying everyday but I know I will not be able to let go without talking to her.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Tim, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're having a real hard time, and I will try to help. All I can do is offer some suggestions, and of course the rest is up to you.

Priority one is that you quit drinking. Go to AA if you need the support (and I think you do), but as long as you're drinking you will not be able to do any of the necessary emotional healing work to let go and focus on your own life and well being.

If you continue to drink, then everything else I recommend will be ineffective for you. I cannot overemphasize this. Read this page on alcohol abuse, and you will see that you are at least in the early stages of alcoholism.

She may or may not call, Tim, and she may or may not come back to you. The hard truth is that you care more for the relationship than she does. It sounds like she has a lot going on in her life, and it may not be healthy. You have to decide to get healthy for yourself. You have to decide that you're a good person and you deserve to have a good life whether she's in it or not. Basically, you're all you've got right now, and that's more than enough, if you decide to take care of yourself.

You have to look at this man that you are, named Tim. You have to decide that you care about him. He desperately needs your attention.

There is more than enough to help you here, Tim, if you choose to use it. If you feel you need more help than I've offered here, I suggest you call for counseling or consider this online program for overcoming alcohol abuse.

Believe in yourself, Tim. And if you're spiritually oriented at all, pray for yourself. You've made this woman your god, and that never works.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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