Compulsive Anger Addict
Hi. I am 25 years old female. I am a very pleasant person, very accommodating, sweet, social and friendly.
I have been seen as short-tempered. When I don't like any matter, I react very harshly. When there is an anger-arousing matter, no matter how much I try to calm myself down, it gets out of hand.
In turn it hurts people whom I love, and who love me. When I am angry I get very sarcastic, harsh, pinching, revengeful in my words.
Whoever has seen my anger is terrified of me, when I am angry.
I need peace.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Ananya, and thanks for telling your story here. That pleasant, accommodating, sweet, social and friendly person is who you really are. The short-tempered, angry woman is just baggage you've picked up along the way.
I suggest you use these techniques to take charge of the angry part of yourself:
1) Come up with a mental picture of your anger. Amplify it, making it larger than life, and keep searching for an image until you have a clear picture in your mind.
2) While picturing it in your mind, say this to it: "I can see that you are a part of me. I created you a long time ago, for my protection. If I let you run my life, you will destroy it. I'm not going to try to kill you or make you go away. You have a place here, but you're not going to be in charge any more. I'm taking over, which will keep both of us safe. I know you're strong, but your strength belongs to me, and I choose to use it for good things."
3) Notice how the image responds or changes in your mind while you say these things. Keep working with it in this way until you begin to see a healthy anger image start to emerge. Ultimately, you want to transform it into a loyal ally--that's what happens when your anger is healthy.
4) Every time you start to get angry, picture this image of your anger--keep at it until you can see it clearly. This is called "See It Don't Be It," and it will help you to manage your anger.
5) Next, do the anger journaling exercises on this page, to give your anger someplace to go on a regular daily basis.
6) You probably have some unresolved and/or unaddressed emotional trauma from your past, based on what you've told me about your anger episodes and violence. I strongly encourage you to do the "Trauma Writing" on the same page with the anger journaling linked above, to revisit your past pain and trauma that is underlying and most likely causing your current problems.
7) Then, use these imagery processes for emotional healing, which will give you a chance to "go back" to your past experiences in your mind and bring healing and resolution.
This will really help you, if you do it. These tools, like any tools, are useful only if you use them enough to become proficient at using them.
Believe in yourself, Ananya. And never give up on you.
My very best to you,