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(Los Angeles, CA)
I hate my life. I used to be a very happy and a bubbly person but now I'm just bitter. I can't find happiness in anything. I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, a wonderful and devoted husband, yet I can't seem to appreciate that.
I feel like nothing is going right in my life and that I have no control of it. I love my daughter very much but she wasn't planned. My husband and I had to get married and now I'm stuck at this stupid job that I hate!!! I feel so angry because I feel the lack of control in all the circumstances that have happened in my life.
I have become so bitter that I hate everybody's guts, I've become very judgmental and I hate the fact that I am stuck at my job because of responsibilities.
I've become verbally aggressive towards my husband and I have become so short with every little thing. I now hate running errands with my daughter because she can be difficult at times, I've wanted so long to be home more often with her but now that I do I've grown to hate it because I feel like I have no life outside of my motherly duties.
I have lost my self-identity and I want it back!! I don't know how to get it!!
I'm frustrated because where I am right now was not part of my plan. I need help but I don't know where to begin to ask.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Maine, and thanks for telling your story here. One of the most difficult positions any human being can be in is the feeling of being a victim of circumstances beyond your control. It sounds like that is exactly where you find yourself.
I have only one answer for you. If you don't like this answer, I will just go into that long list of people who have let you down and not given you what you want. Or...if you take what I say to heart and follow some of my recommendations, you will start to feel better and better.
Here's the answer:
1) We are all responsible for our circumstances as adults. Where you find yourself today is a result of all of the choices you've made in your adult life leading up to this moment.
2) We were victims as children, but when we became adults we became responsible for our choices and their consequences.
3) The responsibility I am encouraging you to take for your life is also your key to freedom. If you are not in the driver's seat, then you have to wait for all of those other people to act right...and that will never work.
4) Everything I recommend from this point forward will help you take responsibility and begin to feel some of the wonderful freedom that comes with that responsibility.
Start with the journaling processes you will find described on this page. Be sure and do all three exercises, as recommended.
Then use these imagery processes for emotional healing to resolve some of the emotional issues coming from your past trauma, if that applies to you.
These are powerful tools that will help you if you use them. If you decide they won't work for you, then they won't. If you at least give this process a chance and do it for one month, you will get some good results.
I get the feeling that you are a good and smart woman, Maine. Focus on your goodness and wisdom, and start shifting your mental focus today with the above processes.
My very best to you,
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