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At The End

by Frankie
(Baltimore, MD)

Within the past four months I have noticed a complete change in my attitude, with others and myself. It seems like I have too many problems to handle.

Work was slowing down so money became a problem. My brother started to shelter himself due to a break-up. Before this we were very close. I got into a relationship myself, and my brother made me choose between him or her.

He wouldn't listen to how I felt at all and no longer speaks to me. I've also been forced to move 3 times in the past six months due to circumstances I couldn't control. I find myself second guessing a lot of my decisions, not very sure of myself and very critical of my decisions.

I find myself getting upset over insignificant things. Everyone tells me that I don't appear happy, I'm not the same person. This has affected my work, home and friendships negatively.

I don't know how to handle this, I'm not sure what's changed. I will greatly appreciate any advice. Thanks.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Frankie, and thanks for telling your story here. From what you've written here, I think you may be going through a significant life transition from your childhood to adulthood. Your brother had an unhealthy attachment to you, and breaking away from that was necessary, but probably traumatic for you as well.

I suggest that you read and follow the guidelines you will find on this FAQ page, which will help you emotionally release your parents. You can also apply that process to your brother, which it sounds like you need to do.

You may not have given yourself full permission to become an individual and let go of your dependence on any past relationships. Also try the journaling processes described on this page, which will help you get to know yourself better on an emotional level, and the positive journaling part will help you to start feeling stronger about yourself as a person.

Regarding the pattern of second guessing yourself, make up your mind that you're going to make your choices work no matter what they are--that way you can't make any bad choices.

You can do this. The world is your oyster.

Believe in yourself, Frankie, and take the next best step.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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