Angry Mother Of Two Girls
(Clifton, NJ, USA)
Where do I start? My life pretty much sucks. Sometimes I just want to leave and when things get really tough I think to myself maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom. I am such an angry person.
I do not know how to control it and something so minute can enrage me in seconds. They fight all the time for the pettiest things. My 10 year old has a major attitude and talks back all the time and my 7 year old is following in her footsteps. The little one yells all the time. It does not matter where we are and my first reaction is to pinch them on the arm.
I feel bad for my daughters. I have no patience at all. I hate to repeat myself constantly so helping them with their homework is a mission in itself. If they do not understand and I have to repeat myself over and over I flip out. I do not want to be this way. I am a good person, I just wish I was a better mother.
My daughters deserve a loving and understanding mom and I feel like I cannot give that to them. I am not affectionate! I know my past has a lot to do with how I am today. I was molested by an uncle and after telling my aunt she ask me to never tell anyone and that really messed me up in the head.
My father was a terrible father. He was not affectionate, he yelled, called me names, hit me if I could not tell the difference between b and d and I'm afraid I am doing the same to my kids. Everything I do to my daughters he did but just not as bad. I yell all time and call them names when they frustrate me.
I know it's wrong and that's the worst part. I've been to therapy, a psychiatrist and I'm on prescribed meds to help me and nothing seems to work. I let my emotions get the best of me. There is no just walking away. As time passes the more pissed I get.
I'm afraid they are going to end up screwed up in the head like me because of what I am doing to them. I do not want them to be like me. I want to be able to hug them and kiss them. It just does not come naturally. I don't know what to do anymore.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Maribel, and thanks for telling your story here. I think it's great that you want to be a good mom, and you sound like someone who can do what she sets her mind to. I will try to help.
First, I strongly encourage you to use all of the exercises recommended on this FAQ page. You will find techniques on that page that will help you heal the cause of your anger, which for you is clearly severe abuse and neglect.
If you do all of those exercises, Maribel, it just might be what you need. If this is not enough to get you to the point where you can treat your children with kindness and respect, then please consider getting some counseling.
One way or the other, make up your mind that you're going to reach your goals. You can do this. Believe in yourself and the goodness of your heart.
My very best to you,
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