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Angry Because I Don't Have Control Over Things In My Life

by Brenda

I am so angry, I feel it deep in my chest. I have started exercising and writing to help.

I am a 53 year old woman, I have been widowed after 32 years of marriage and then married again for 3 years. I have owned my own business, and have had to work hard for everything that I have.

About 2 months ago my husband had a bipolar breakdown, where he pushed me and I couldn't reason with him. We were arguing and the neighbor called the law. We have 5 underage children and 1 adult child still at home, so the department of Family and Children Services is called. Although they say they have no problem with me caring for our children, they have made my husband leave till he is better. The court nor DFCS will let me have any contact with my husband at all. Which makes me mad. I am a grown woman and they didn't even ask my opinion or give me a choice.

Then now DFCS is making me do a Case Plan, I think because we are still married that is the way they made me feel. So at our Family Team Meeting it is discussed about all the good things about our family, even case workers said how well I care for all the needs of our children. And then when we did the Needs of The Family, they decided I needed Parenting Classes, Counseling and DV counseling.

This was the first time the police were ever called to our home and the first time my husband has ever been arrested. But DFCS keeps pushing the I am a living with an abusive man and making me feel like I am not smart enough to know how to take care of myself and/or my family.

So with all this going on my angry feeling are normal, right?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Brenda, and thanks for telling your story here. Yes, your angry feelings are normal in your situation. But that's not the important thing here. The important thing is for you to be smart in the decisions you make. You need to be sure you express your anger in healthy, respectful ways, or your situation could get worse.

I'm glad you're writing and exercising. You also need to focus on the positive outcomes you want from this situation, rather than the things that are making you mad. I know this can be very hard for a good mother like you, but you need to make this situation work in your favor. DFCS is focused on the well being of your children, and your focus needs to be on them but also on yourself. If you let your anger take over, you could risk a lot.

I suggest that you read the following page, and see if there's any benefit for you there:

how to deal with abusive relationships

Make up your mind that you're going to benefit from the services this agency is providing. That's how you win. You can do this, Brenda.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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