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Hi, i am a man of 31 years of age, and this is my story. Right from childhood I was a happy child. With friends I was very popular, fun loving etc. I never had any illogical demand or stubbornness. But my mother would always complain that I had excessive anger. I could never explain to her or anybody else that only when I saw anything unfair my anger would burst out. I was also a very ambitious and a bright child. Because the place where I stayed did not give much opportunity to explore, I could not mold my professional life into a great shape.
I started staying away from my family since the age of 19 years. I was in and out of many relationships. Finally I had a girl friend and lived with her for a year, which finally did not work out. I had a nasty break up 5 years ago. Also during the stay at my residential collage I suffered from typhoid 2 times and once while I was working.
Initially I was working in night shift and after 4 years I started working in a regular day job. In 6 years of my professional life I have worked in more than 8 companies and lost my job 3 times in a row. Still I am not a heavy drinker or smoker, and I don't do drugs.
During my college days while I was staying at my sister's place, I had seen them going through a bad phase and also was
an active part in their relationship, with its ups and downs.
At present I am staying with my sister, who is having an affair with one of my friends who is much much older than
her. Now I hate the guy so much that I can kill him. I have tried my best but could not make my sister understand, how bad this relationship will turn in future.
I have also been accused wrongly for things which I have not done, by very near and dear ones. Also I had a very abnormal college life with people planning and plotting against each other, and finally we never got any placement from the college.
What is the main concern here is I have not given up hope, and feel I can still make it big in life. But now my anger is my biggest enemy. With the slightest irritation I become so angry that my blood pressure shoots up, my eyes become red, my voice trembles, my throat chokes, I cannot speak logically and I lose all control of my thoughts and actions. I feel my head will burst and my eyes will pop out of their sockets. This is causing me real trouble in all aspects of my life and if this continues I will surely become mad. Please help me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Ramesh, and thank you for telling your story on this site. I am so glad that you have not given up hope for yourself. I will try to help you with your anger, so that you can proceed with your life and be happy and successful.
Here is what I recommend:
1) You have to let your sister be responsible for her life, her choices and her relationships. If you cannot do this while living with her, then you need to live separately. Your anger is not helping her or you, and you will stay angry as long as you are trying to changer her life or her relationships. That is her domain, and you must respect her right to make her own choices.
2) Shift your focus away from her, and onto yourself. You need your full focus and attention in order to resolve your anger issues.
3) Begin the journaling processes on this page. This will help you tremendously if you do them. It will cost you nothing but your own time and energy.
4) Use these imagery processes for emotional healing to deal with any past emotional trauma you may have experienced.
Make up your mind to focus on your own life and emotional healing process, Ramesh. This is essential, and you can do it.
My very best to you,
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