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I am a 16 year old girl, and recently I feel like anger is taking over my life. I am getting uncontrollably aggressive towards those close to me, sometimes even involving violence to my friends.
I can think of a few triggers to this anger, but they do not seem significant enough to make me act in this way. I hate feeling like this as I am such a positive person usually. But lately, I'm just a worked-up angry kid.
My mum keeps telling me I need to get anger management, but I feel it will only make me more angry. I know I have a problem, and I really need help.
I can't keep on living with all of this anger in me, and I can't keep hurting the people I love because of it.
Please help me!
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hi Claud, and thanks for asking for help on this site. Just reading what you've written here, it is clear to me that you are a very bright young woman.
You are smart to see that your triggers are not significant enough to make you act the way you do. You are a good person, and that's why you don't like the anger, and you don't want to hurt the people you love.
One thing is for sure...you have good reasons for your anger. You just need to figure out what they are, and then you can get to the roots of the problem and solve it once and for all.
Here is what I suggest:
1) Start with the "Trauma Writing" exercise you will find on this page, and then go on and do the other journaling exercises you find there as well. The trauma writing is where you will find the causes/roots of your anger. Anger comes from pain and sorrow that results from abuse, abandonment and neglect--and it also comes from being indulged and spoiled. The other cause is role modeling from an angry parent or caregiver. You will figure out which of these applies to you. Also, when you get to the positive journaling part of these exercises, be sure and write about what you love and appreciate about your family, friends and yourself.
2) Once you have figured out where your anger came from, try these imagery processes for emotional healing, if they seem to fit with your situation.
Anger comes from focusing too much on what you don't like, and the things that bother you. After doing some of the above described work on your past experiences, use the positive journaling processes to train your mind to focus on what feels good to you--what is good, right and working in your life.
You can do this, Claud. You've got what it takes!
My very best to you,
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