Anger From A Lifetime Of Hurt Now Emerging During What Should Be The Happiest Time Of My Life
Dear Dr DeFoore, thank you so much for creating this site and putting so much of your life into helping others with anger issues.
I'm a 30 year old woman with 2 beautiful sons, a great hubby etc. I had a really awful childhood, divorce, emotional/mental abuse, mentally ill, highly delusional alcoholic mother, lazy father, little family.
My sibling and I were fostered when I was 10. I was angry then, acted out, started taking drugs, alcohol etc, went through horrific domestic violence at age 16-22. I have moved a lot.
My sister managed to get her life together but I always seemed to attract more drama and pain and hurt. Angry at world, wracked in guilt, self destructive.
I felt like a victim over and over but didn't want to play that role, pushed all the hurt down. I was always angry at opportunities for education and stability that I felt people closest to me destroyed, things I craved so badly.
I finally got it together a little. I was still depressed, smoking cigarettes, going out etc, but met a lovely guy, married and have two beautiful kids under 3. After the first child, I got huge panic attacks and majorly stressed, feared doing to my baby what my parents had to me (abandonment, abuse etc).
Now I feel my anger levels always simmering under the surface and find it so hard to remain calm and loving all the time with my high energy, wall climbing toddler. I live in fear a lot, and feel like I'm on the verge on alcoholism as a coping mechanism.
I've just started therapy again but also found your site and thought I'd write in. I know I'm struggling as I never learned how to process my emotions properly and I pray daily that I can find a new way of being that I can be free of my high stress levels, faulty coping mechanisms (alcohol, smoking) and give myself and family the life we deserve.
P.S. My children are safe, well, unharmed and almost spoiled, but I fear they suffer from the way I am & cope and want to show them a better way by example. Kind regards.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I find your story very touching, and even inspiring. Your desired to live a good life, be a good person and have a healthy loving family after all you've been through is testimony to your character, integrity and basic goodness as a person.
I'm glad you're getting therapy, as a way of fulfilling your desire to be a good mom to your children. Being a parent to a toddler can be highly stressful, and with your background, I understand how it can be particularly difficult. But I'm confident that you can do this.
If you want to make use of some of the tools offered on this site, take a look at this page for angry parents. It includes some journaling processes that will be very helpful to you if you choose to use them.
Believe in yourself, and spend some time each day focusing on the goodness of your heart. One of the journaling exercises on the page linked above will help with that.
My very best to you,
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