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Anger For Everything

by Omar
(Phoenix)

Well I have a lot of stress and anger in me and I think its all on my dad. But the truth is that I'm taking out all my anger on my girl.

I'm soon trying to make her my fiance. We are really tired because I get mad about everything and we argue EVERY DAY about the smallest things because I get mad.


What do you think I should do? I can't afford anger management classes. I'm barely 17, and I have a pretty BAD past due to drugs and gangs.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Omar, and thanks for telling your story here. You wouldn't be asking for help here if you weren't a good person. I know your past is bad, but that doesn't make you a bad person. The thing is to move forward from here more connected with the best part of you--the part of you that doesn't like all of the anger and doesn't want to lose your girl.

I'll suggest some things, but they won't be easy or quick. You didn't get where you are overnight, and change will take a while. But if you do these things consistently, and set your mind and heart to the task of doing better, you will succeed.

I'm glad, by the way, that you say the drugs and gangs are in your past.

Start out by doing the three writing exercises on this page. This is nobody's business but yours, so forget about what anybody else might think of this. It will help you, but only if you do it. It's a way of taking a look at your own thoughts and feelings, and taking responsibility for them--just by writing them down. But you don't just do it once, you have to keep at it.

Practice these imagery processes for emotional healing, to deal with any past trauma.

Next, try these steps to get free of the negative influence of your dad:

1) Write down all of the ways in which you are like your dad. Look at that list and ask yourself if there's any of those qualities or behaviors you want to keep. In other words, choose what you like from the list, and we're going to help you let go of the part you don't like.

2) Then write down all of the ways you are different from your dad. These are the things that make you unique as an individual. Look at this list, and choose what you like from it.

3) Make a third list, that includes only those things you like from the above two lists. That gives you an idea of who you really are, and who you choose to be.

Now repeat that entire process with your mom, and combine the two lists of the things you like and choose for yourself.

Next, picture both of your parents in front of you. Thank them both for all of the good things they've done for you, leaving nothing out. Then tell them both about the things you didn't like. Get it all out, and write it down--but picture their faces while you're writing. Now tell them, "I'm not your little boy any more. It is time for me to take charge of my life and make my own decisions."

I do not suggest you say these things directly to your parents. This is just for you.

Don't give up on yourself Omar, and you can't fail.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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