An Angry Minister
My husband and I have been married for 9 years and we have 2 children and a 8yr old girl and 4yr old boy. My husband can go from 0-10 in seconds and sometimes throws chairs or hits walls.
He stands in my face in a confrontational way, slams cups down hard when making a point. I feel that what he gets angry about isn't necessary to the extreme that he reacts.
I love basically everything about him except this. In one incident, I saw my clothing that I had left on the floor one day by accident and he placed it on the bed where I sleep at, so I saw it once I began to sleep. Mind you I work a 12hr night shift and drive a distance before I get home and sometimes cook breakfast for him among other things once I get home before I finally sleep.
The majority of the time I clean after myself, but that day I forgot. So I confronted him about that. I expressed myself very tactfully and let him know not to do that especially because those shoes on the bed are nasty. I'm a nurse.
Well long story short. He wasn't understanding at all of my being sleepy and didn't show grace at all. He just saw it one way, not to mention he leaves things at times on the floor and I overlook them and just pick them up because I knew he was late one day for work and etc.
But anyway I tried to be tactful about it because I was getting ready to go to work and didn't want to argue because my brother was in the other room. My husband stands in my face and just has a tirade, and at some point acts like he was about to hit me but didn't. He has never hit me during our relationship.
So once I stood back in his face for doing that because I've got fed up with him doing this. He grabs my scrub top I had on and kinda swung me to the bed, saying "you don't wanna step to this..." just causing a scene.
I was embarrassed because my brother and children were in the other room. He apologizes and tries to make things right but acts in this manner shortly after. This is just one of many episodes. He has even had angry tirades verbally to my daughter which I'm concerned for her having emotional damage because she just cries and sometimes ask me why daddy acts like that.
My biggest problem is knowing what to do because my husband preaches God's word and is a great man. He helps out around the house, is faithful, and loves me unconditionally. He compliments me publicly, but just has those angry episodes at times.
I've told him about this before that it's got to stop because it's not healthy for the children. Now how do I approach this because I want to save my marriage.
What are some things I can do to help my husband know how to express himself in an appropriate manner when he's angry.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It is great that you have so much that you love about your husband. It is clear that you don't like how he expresses his anger, and I can see why it would bother you. I will try to help.
First, I suggest that you read the following page on relationships:
I suggest that you and your husband try to learn and use these couples communication skills, which will help him to express his anger in healthy ways, if he chooses to participate.
You are a good person, and that's why you want the best for yourself, your husband and your marriage. Follow these recommendations with focus and follow through, and they will definitely help you.
My very best to you,
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