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All Of This In Only 12 Years Of Living

by M.M.T.
(Washington D.C. )

I am 12 years old. When I was 4 1/2 to 6, my cousin raped me. My dad died when I was 5, and my mom does drugs and goes in and out of jail all the time.

I was a witness of people dying, and I was only 3 and up! I know it doesn't seem like a bad life, but living it is much worse :- tears -:

I have a brother who is 11, and I live with my grandparents. I have run away 4 times and almost went to juvenile hall once because I came home at around 9:00 pm. My brother is so annoying and my grandparents care about me so much.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, M.M.T., and thanks for writing your story on this site. I think you are a very smart and brave girl, who has had a very difficult life. You have already been through a lot in your 12 years--more than some people go through in a whole lifetime.

Focus on what is inside you that kept you going. And I want you to know that it is good. Deep inside you there is something very good, and as you read this, you know it's true. That is your true nature, your life force, and your connection to your Creator--whatever words you may use for that. Trust in this goodness inside you, and do your best to act from it.

I want you to consider trying something. This exercise is usually meant for people who are older than you, but I'm thinking you might have done a lot of growing up in your 12 years, and you just might be able to do it and benefit. Take a look at these imagery processes for emotional healing, and see if you can apply them to your own memories of being abused.

Just imagine yourself as the smart, strong 12 year old you are today, going back into your past, and stopping your cousin from raping you. Don't be violent with him, that will not help. Just move him away from your child-self. Then, as the instructions on that page recommend, speak to her in a nurturing, loving way. Tell her, "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I love you just like you are. You are good. Your body is good. And I will take care of you."

Keep doing this over and over, with the memories of being molested by your cousin, and with losing your dad at the age of 5, the times you witnessed people dying, and every painful or frightening memory you have. If you can do this, M.M.T., it will really help you.

I also suggest you get a journal (or you can do it on your computer), and start doing the journaling exercises you will find on this page. This will help you to stay in charge of your thinking, and start to train yourself to think positive.

It is so great that your grandparents care about you. Tell them how much that means to you. And be nice to your brother. He could end up being someone you rely on later in life.

There is a good life out there for you, M.M.T. Take good care of yourself and stay focused on the good life you want, and you will get there.

I, and everyone who reads this on this site will be sending you good thoughts and prayers.

Believe in yourself and the goodness inside you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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