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A Child Under Fire

by A.S.Lee

It all started when my daughter got arrested and went to jail. Her daughter--my granddaughter, came to live with me because her father wasn't in the picture. My granddaughter was devastated. She cried all the time and she missed her mother not being with her because they were so close.

I tried to fill the empty space in her little precious life, but one thing I know is that you can't replace a mom. So I did the best I could do. I made sure I took her to see her mom at least 3 or more time a week. It helped a lot.

This went on for about 2 years. Her mom finally got out, but the situation became worse. She couldn't live with me because of some circumstances, so she got a job and a place and eventually her daughter moved in with her.

Her mother had changed, she became angry. She started partying, drinking, dating and spending a lot of time away from her child, not paying her a lot of attention. She really needed her mother so much.

To make a long story shorter, my granddaughter is angry and she shows signs of it. She gets into fights and arguments and she can be disrespectful at times.

This happened when she was 5 years old. She' s 11 now, and she is cursed at and hollered at when she doesn't do what she's told. I step in a lot because I will not let my daughter talk to her child that way. I constantly tell her it's wrong and it damages her, but she doesn't listen to me.

I want to help them, I just don't know how. Please help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It is good that you love your granddaughter so much and want to help your daughter be a better mother. Your position is very difficult, because as a grandmother, you do not have the ability to provide the amount of support and protection that you would like to.

If you have knowledge or suspicion of physical or sexual abuse, or extreme neglect and/or abandonment, please contact Child Protective Services and report it. You didn't mention any of that, but if it does occur, it is very important that you notify the authorities.

It could be that your daughter rebels against your efforts to get her to be a better mom. If so, then your efforts to help could be making things worse. Rather than telling your daughter what to do and what not to do, I suggest you support and praise her for everything good she's doing. Avoid criticizing her parenting, if possible.

Tell your daughter that she's a good mom, every time you see her doing something good.

As hard as it might be, you also need to do some letting go. As the grandmother, the best thing you can do is love and support them as much as possible.

And if you believe in prayer, then pray for them. And believe in the very best part of your daughter.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would provide a written testimonial about the site, Dr. DeFoore's help, or one of our products.

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