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Why Is It Always Me That Does Everything Wrong?

by Vanessa
(Lewisville Texas)

Okay, today my mother-in-law woke us up when we (my husband and I) were laying in bed and not ready to get up yet. That is the first thing that pissed me off today.

The next is when her boyfriend took my clothes I was washing and put my clothes in the dryer. Yes, they may have been sitting there in the washer, but they were not hurting anything in there. I would have got to them when I got to them. They already had done their clothes so they had no clothes to wash.

He doesn't know what I put in the dryer and what I do put in the dryer, with doing this he messed up one of my shirts--nice shirt.

So therefore I am livid...really beyond livid. And she always bitches when I want to go everywhere with my husband (her son) when he is not working. He works all the time. I want to spend time with him as much as possible when he isn't working.

Am I blowing this up more then it needs to be? Do I have a right to be upset? How do I handle these problems? Keep this in mind though, She is a hard case to handle. People think I am bad. She is 10x worse. Totally worse.

Thank you for reading this, and helping me.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Vanessa, and thanks for telling your story here. You have very good reasons for your anger--the question is, how you're handling it, not whether or not you have a right to be mad.

It sounds like you live with your husband's mother, and that can be very stressful for anyone. The point for you is to manage your own anger so that you don't make things worse.

You have written before, and I have already recommended that you do the journaling as described on this page. If you're doing that, keep doing it. If you're not doing it, then start doing it daily. This will help you to calm and focus yourself.

And you really need to focus on the positive aspects of your situation. As long as you focus on what you don't like, you're going to stay angry. And there will always be plenty that you don't like.

The question is, what do you like? What is good about your situation? As soon as you start putting your attention there, your anger will subside. The trick is to keep doing that, until it becomes habit.

If you do what I recommend, you will get more control over your anger. If this doesn't help, or if you feel you need more, then you may want to sign up for an online anger class. You can choose between 8, 12, 16 or 26 hour classes, and you will definitely get what you need!

Look at the good in you and the world around you, Vanessa. That's the most important thing.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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