Now Available! Dr. DeFoore's New Book GOODFINDING
My husband is a pilot. He cheated on me so many times.
We had an arranged marriage 23 years ago. I found a lot of things. 14 years ago, the kids were little, which gave him a chance.
We fight a lot, sometimes physical. I love him a lot, but he does not respect me at all. He pushes my anger buttons.
I am nice with kids, nice at work. What is going on when I see his face? I find it once again--he was cheating on me. He tells me he goes to these women for attention whenever I hit him.
Is it right, or not?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Aliya, and thanks for telling your story here. First I will say that the hitting has to stop. That is only going to get you into trouble, and he will continue to use it to justify what he wants to do. If you can't stop hitting him, then you need to get away from him.
You said one thing that I think is very important. You said "he does not respect you at all" and that you "love him a lot." That will never work. Those two statements do not match up. If he does not respect you at all, then you cannot really love him, unless you have a very self-destructive form of attachment.
I suggest you read the following page and follow all of the recommendations you find there:
how to manage and heal your anger
It will also help you to learn to feel better about yourself, once you've started managing your anger better. Learn how to raise your self esteem.
You will find the help you need on those pages. You have to learn to heal your anger and love yourself, Aliya.
Believe in your good heart.
My very best to you,
P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.
P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would click the "Like" button at the top left corner of this page.
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Marital Problems Stories.